Japanese researchers can finally claim to have invented a device that has left their colleagues speechless. Kazutaka Kurihara of the National Institute of Advanced Industrial Science and Technology, and Koji Tsukada of Ochanomizu University, have created a “SpeechJammer” gun that can silence people by sending back their words to them to confuse their cognitive processes. I really need to get one of these for faculty meetings.
Here is how it works. The device records a person’s words and then fires it back at them with a 0.2-second delay. This derails the brain’s cognitive processes and causes speakers to stutter before silencing them completely. That has led to a concern that these mad Japanese scientists secretly experimented on Rick Perry during the prior GOP debates. The problem is that no one appears able to ask them the question.
The research is built on past use of a delayed auditory feedback (DAF) device used to help stutterers. If a stutterer hears his own voice at a slight delay, stuttering often improves. However, the same device on a non-stutterer produces stuttering.
One piece of good news for Perry and others is that the device cannot stop “meaningless sounds,” such as “ahhh.” That leaves most teenage speech, for example, intact.
The new device would appear this holiday’s must-buy item for the dictator that has everything. The scientists proclaimed “We utilized DAF to develop a device that can jam remote physically unimpaired people’s speech whether they want it or not.” Just in time for Vlad Putin’s return.