Orange You Glad I Missed? Florida Man Arrested For Aggravated Assault With Orange

William Wink insists that he was just trying to throw away a rotten orange to the squirrels from his balcony. However, when the orange landed a few feet from a construction worker, he looked up and saw Wink in his boxer shorts. Wink, 68, was arrested for aggravated assault with an orange.

Wink was a former school teacher and a former political candidate before he became a citrus felon. He insisted the orange was “squishy” and wanted to “give it to the birds and the squirrels. I just lobbed it over the edge.”

However, the police investigated and concluded “the orange was found not rotten but ripe.” Call it CSI Florida.

So let me try to recap. Wink threw an orange that did not hit anyone, but was charged as aggravated assault because it was only ripe but not rotten.

Here is the Florida criminal provision:

784.021 Aggravated assault.–
(1) An “aggravated assault” is an assault:
(a) With a deadly weapon without intent to kill; or
(b) With an intent to commit a felony.
(2) Whoever commits an aggravated assault shall be guilty of a felony of the third degree, punishable as provided in s. 775.082, s. 775.083, or s. 775.084.

Since an orange is not a deadly weapon to anything other than a cold, there must be an intent to commit a felony, but what is the felony? If the felony is battery with an orange, it becomes rather circular. I suppose if his boxers were Fruit of the Loom, he might be charged with terroristic threats of additional citrus attacks.

I am curious about the chain of custody on the orange. Since the arrest appeared to turn on condition of the orange, did the police preserve the weapon for defense examination? The condition of the orange could also turn on differences in what constitutes “squishy.” For example, I am notorious for disliking soft fruit. On a jury, I would likely be inclined to view fruit as “squishy” at a point much earlier than Port Lucie officer. Would I be struck on voir dire for my hard fruit bias?

Wink ran for St. Lucie Property Appraiser and shown in this video. Port Lucie has been a font of stories for this blog (here and here and here and here and here, here, and here).

Source: WPBF as first seen on Reddit

29 thoughts on “Orange You Glad I Missed? Florida Man Arrested For Aggravated Assault With Orange”

  1. Oh, I just had an ephiphany. It was a Clockwork Orange, therefore UltraViolent, and hence a Deadly Weapon. Maybe the construction worker should have defended himself with a large, and “very imporatant work of art.” and tolchoked him upside his gulliver

  2. Well now that an orange is a deadly weapon, no reason not to bring back the Code Duello

  3. pete1, April 10, 2012 at 4:40 pm

    floriduh rules fighting

    if somebody throws an orange at you, you come at him with a grapefruit

    if somebody comes at you with a grapefruit, you hit him with a pineapple

    if somebody hits you with a pineapple, you steal their handicap placard.


    you have no idea how close to the truth you are… have certainly captured the current zeitgeist of the pendulous Southern swamp…

  4. Florida: Throw an orange near a construction worker get a class 3 felony; shoot an unarmed kid at night who’s coming back from the convenience store, get a police escort to the station and walk out scot-free.

    Query for Dredd: What if the construction worker “stood his ground” in response to the felony and blew our 68-year-old former teacher/politico away? Justifiable? He was acting in response to “aggravated assault.”

    The gods must be crazy.

  5. Blouise

    was this construction worker standing next to an indian, a soldier, a cop and a cowboy?

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