Academia, Environment, International

Cloudy With A Chance of Executions: Kim Jong Un Warns Meteorologists About “Incorrect Forecasts”

Kim_Jong-il_PortraitWe have all cursed the weather man on occasion but North Korean forecasters are facing a more tangible threat this week. North Korean leader Kim Jong Un has turned his menacing eye on meteorologists and warned that there are “many incorrect forecasts.” Since reports state that Kim Jong Un had his wife’s former musical group executed, forecasters are understandably concerned that one unpredicted rain shower could bring lead showers. If Al Roker gets a call with a job offer from Pyongyang he might want to read the fine print.


Kim has of course continued his father’s policy of cutting off his country and virtually starving the population while he lives lavishly as a type of community godhead. There is no indication that he is anything more than a thuggish dolt. However, he went to the state-run Hydro-Meteorological Service to give guidance to the meteorologists that they need to avoid wrong forecasts. The problem is that his government has not only cut itself off from the world but the world’s technology. While spending a good portion of his revenues on weapons and a nuclear program, Kim has left North Korean in the stone age. Forecasters would have probably pointed out that they have been left with the scientific equivalent to a rock and metal rod for predictions, but that would result in a 100% chance of dead weathermen.

With a drought worsening the nation’s lack of food, Kim reportedly visited the site “to learn in detail about meteorological observation and weather forecast.” He is shown giving instructions to the meteorologists from his official state-recognized natural brilliance.

173 thoughts on “Cloudy With A Chance of Executions: Kim Jong Un Warns Meteorologists About “Incorrect Forecasts””

  1. In case you didn’t know

    Global Warming Makes Couples Cheat, Says Dating Website
    If you’re married in Miami, you might want to get out of town this summer. No, not to avoid the hurricanes — to avoid a nasty divorce.

    A new report blames global warming for rising rates of infidelity, especially bad news for couples in Miami, where rising tides and raging hurricanes remind us all how much extracurricular sex we could be having on a daily basis.

    http://blogs.miaminewtimes.com/cultist/2014/05/global_warming_makes_couples_cheat_says_dating_website.php

  2. No one denies the Earth has warmed just as no one can deny the Earth has cooled. But when you factor everything that a warming world is suppose to produce ie More Hurricanes Droughts Floods Fire Typhoons Tornadoe’s Extra Marital affairs yada yada yada the empirical evidence doesn’t show it.

  3. Dear Joe Blow and Kim Jung Un,

    “January 21, 2014
    RELEASE 14-024

    NASA Finds 2013 Sustained Long-Term Climate Warming Trend

    NASA scientists say 2013 tied with 2009 and 2006 for the seventh warmest year since 1880, continuing a long-term trend of rising global temperatures.

    With the exception of 1998, the 10 warmest years in the 134-year record all have occurred since 2000, with 2010 and 2005 ranking as the warmest years on record.

    NASA’s Goddard Institute for Space Studies (GISS) in New York, which analyzes global surface temperatures on an ongoing basis, released an updated report Tuesday on temperatures around the globe in 2013. The comparison shows how Earth continues to experience temperatures warmer than those measured several decades ago.

    The average temperature in 2013 was 58.3 degrees Fahrenheit (14.6 Celsius), which is 1.1 F (0.6 C) warmer than the mid-20th century baseline. The average global temperature has risen about 1.4 degrees F (0.8 C) since 1880, according to the new analysis. Exact rankings for individual years are sensitive to data inputs and analysis methods.

    “Long-term trends in surface temperatures are unusual and 2013 adds to the evidence for ongoing climate change,” GISS climatologist Gavin Schmidt said. “While one year or one season can be affected by random weather events, this analysis shows the necessity for continued, long-term monitoring.”

    Scientists emphasize that weather patterns always will cause fluctuations in average temperatures from year to year, but the continued increases in greenhouse gas levels in Earth’s atmosphere are driving a long-term rise in global temperatures. Each successive year will not necessarily be warmer than the year before, but with the current level of greenhouse gas emissions, scientists expect each successive decade to be warmer than the previous.”

    …
    your pal,
    NASA

  4. Nice comeback James. You must have been a weak side linebacker in college who just likes to pile on LOL

  5. Who knew with the preponderance of science that in this modern age we would have our modern day flat earthers? It’s mindboggling.

  7. Joe Blow,

    You are your favorite weatherman.

    Some of us don’t trust your ability in that realm, so, could you kindly do a favor and quote an official weather source for your assertions?

  8. Hurricane force winds hit the coastal U.S. last October.

    THAT DOESN’T MEAN THEIR WAS A HURRICANE

    Wipha was the first typhoon to first go west in the Pacific then north to Japan, then northeast to Alaska with hurricane force winds, then east across Alaska to Canada, then southeast across Canada down to the U.S., and then east out into the Atlantic ocean.

    SO ARE YOU SAYING THE ATLANTIC HAD A PACIFIC TYPHOON WAS IT STILL CALLED TYPHOON WIPHA AS IT CROSSED INTO CANADA THE U.S. AND INTO THE ATLANTIC LOL

    The typhoon following it in November, Haiyan, killed over 6,000 people

    TROPICAL STORM THELMA 1991 KILLED OVER 5000 AND YOUR POINT IS. ONE STORM DOES NOT MAKE THE LONG TERM TREND. WORLDWIDE TROPICAL CYCLONE ACTIVITY REMAINS AT 30-40 YEAR LOWS. NO INCREASING TREND IN THE NUMBER OF SUPER TYPHOONS IN THE RECORD.

  9. Joe Blow

    So lets recap. You give the remnants of a Super Typhoon that barley produced winds of 72mph and get it confused with it still being a Super Typhoon that strikes Alaska when common areas of Low pressure during the Northern Pacific winter produce the same on a more frequent basis as a rebuttal to my comment and I’m a flat earthier. Well I would rather be that than have a flat head LOL
    =====================
    You need a globe shaped head if you want to think about global warming and the damaged global climate system scientifically.

    All weather is local to yokels.

    Think big.

    Think global.

  10. Joe Blow

    Oh and Dredd Hurricane Force winds means winds to NEAR 72mph far from being any type of MAJOR or SUPER TYPHOON status LOL
    ====================
    Hurricane force winds hit the coastal U.S. last October.

    Wipha was the first typhoon to first go west in the Pacific then north to Japan, then northeast to Alaska with hurricane force winds, then east across Alaska to Canada, then southeast across Canada down to the U.S., and then east out into the Atlantic ocean.

    The typhoon following it in November, Haiyan, killed over 6,000 people in the Philippines and was the strongest to ever reach land.

    “Typhoon Haiyan, the deadliest typhoon to hit the island nation in its history, destroyed or damaged about 16 million homes when it struck in early November.”

    “Haiyan is also the strongest storm recorded at landfall, and unofficially the strongest typhoon ever recorded in terms of wind speed. As of January 2014, bodies were still being found.”

    That was about 6 months ago.

    At least one typhoon off Australia halted searches for the missing airliner that still has not been found.

    On the other side of your flat Earth.

  11. Could it possibly be in the North Pacific Winter months because there are alot of Low pressure systems that produce winds to HURRICANE FORCE LOL

  12. Hey Dredd when do you think the Hawaii gets it’s biggest surf on the North Shore and why ?

  13. So lets recap. You give the remnants of a Super Typhoon that barley produced winds of 72mph and get it confused with it still being a Super Typhoon that strikes Alaska when common areas of Low pressure during the Northern Pacific winter produce the same on a more frequent basis as a rebuttal to my comment and I’m a flat earthier. Well I would rather be that than have a flat head LOL

  14. Joe Blow,

    You are still dangerously silly.

    Things have gotten much worse on the globe and you say they have gotten much better.

    I am glad your denier people in congress do not have the power that Kim Jung Un has.

    “There will be no climate change and that is an order.”

  15. Oh and Dredd Hurricane Force winds means winds to NEAR 72mph far from being any type of MAJOR or SUPER TYPHOON status LOL

  16. Joe Blow

    Judge Dredd During the past five decades, an average of 5.6 MAJOR Hurricanes struck the United States per decade. During the preceding five decades, and average of 8.4 Major Hurricanes struck the United States. Major Hurricane strikes occurred 50 percent more often 50-100 years ago than they have during the past 50 years. World Wide Tropical Cyclone activity remains between 30-40 year lows for the 4th year in a row and THERE IS NO INCREASING TRENDS IN SUPER TYPHOONS. Baboon deaths however are on the increase.
    =======================
    Denier Blow.

    It has been a long time since the U.S. was the center of the universe.

    That happened when about 7 billion people were discovered on the other side of the flat Earth when librul scientists took over.

    Now we have to consider the Earth’s climate on a glove with hundreds of nations.

    Except deniers who do not understand geography or climate science.

    Have you heard about the U.S. Report and the IPCC report, both of which should stop you from advocating pollution.

    Pollution which a recent scientific paper said will cause human extinction if it is not stopped:

    Despite the uncertainty in future climate-change impacts, it is often assumed that humans would be able to adapt to any possible warming. Here we argue that heat stress imposes a robust upper limit to such adaptation. Peak heat stress, quantified by the wet-bulb temperature TW, is surprisingly similar across diverse climates today. TW never exceeds 31 °C. Any exceedence of 35 °C for extended periods should induce hyperthermia in humans and other mammals, as dissipation of metabolic heat becomes impossible. While this never happens now, it would begin to occur with global-mean warming of about 7 °C, calling the habitability of some regions into question. With 11–12 °C warming, such regions would spread to encompass the majority of the human population as currently distributed. Eventual warmings of 12 °C are possible from fossil fuel burning.
    …
    Heat stress is already a leading cause of fatalities from natural phenomena. While fatalities appear associated with warm nights, hot days alter the lifestyles and work productivity of those living at low latitudes. Both impacts will clearly worsen in warmer climates, but most believe humans will simply adapt, reasoning that humans already tolerate a very wide range of climates today. But when measured in terms of peak heat stress—including humidity—this turns out to be untrue. We show that even modest global warming could therefore expose large fractions of the population to unprecedented heat stress, and that with severe warming this would become intolerable.

    (The Military NSA Can’t Hack My Car Nor Can AGW Make Us Extinct).

    Even Kim Jong Un wants to be happy with the weather.

    But he too lives on a flat Earth.

  17. Oh and Dredd Remnants of Typhoon Whipa doesn’t work either.
    Of course it all depends on what your definition of is, is

  18. I expect our cult leader to do the same w/ economists and historians soon.

  20. Judge Dredd bumped his head

    One hit Alaska last year ? Really ? Just because an area of Low Pressure produces “Hurricane Force Winds” DOES NOT MAKE IT A HURRICANE

    Both the North Atlantic and North Pacific often produce areas of low pressure FREQUENTLY in Winter.leading to Low pressure systems that produce “Hurricane Force Winds”

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