Michelle Obama’s garden must go or she needs to add some good American chemicals. That appears to be the view of chemical and agricultural companies who view her organic garden as a threat to the nation’s agricultural industry. Lobbyists and corporate officials have been peering over the fence in worry and disgust as the First Lady plants a dangerous seed in the minds of Americans.

Mid America CropLife Association (MACA) even wrote a letter to the First Lady after she wrote a ground of elementary school students about the heretical garden: “Fresh foods grown conventionally are wholesome and flavorful yet more economical.”

MACA, which represents agribusinesses like Monsanto, Dow AgroSciences and DuPont Crop Protection, does not object to the garden but the message sent by the conspicuous lack of chemicals: “We live in a very different world than that of our grandparents . . . The time needed to tend a garden is not there for the majority of our citizens, certainly not a garden of sufficient productivity to supply much of a family’s year-round food needs.”

Something has to be come quickly before this garden bears its grotesque organic produce. It may be time for Congress to pass legislation compelling the Department of Agriculture to drench the garden with pesticides. In the meantime, lobbyists are rumored to be preparing balloons filled with a fungicide and bactericides to throw over the fence.

Michele, Michele, quite contrary,
How does your garden grow?
With compost and mulchy shells,
And pretty lobbyists all in a row.

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