Fubar in Kandahar: Afghan and American Officials Discover That They Have Been Negotiating With Imposter for Months

You know those high-level negotiations with the Taliban in Afghanistan that have been touted by both the Afghan and U.S. governments? Well, it turns out that they are not so high level. In fact, the negotiator may not be with the Taliban at all. The man with whom we have been negotiated as “Mullah Akhtar Muhammad Mansour,” one of the most senior commanders in the Taliban movement, turns out to be a nutter from Pakistan who probably could not believe everyone was negotiating with him to design the new Afghanistan. To make this FUBAR complete, one Western official admits “we gave him a lot of money.”

American officials now admit that the guy is not Mansour but probably not Taliban. Nevertheless, the guy not only met regularly with top American officials but visited with President Hamid Karzai himself after being flown to Kabul on a NATO aircraft and brought to the presidential palace.

Recently, Gen. David H. Petraeus described positively the talks with the guy as a possible breakthrough. Yet, how do we know that is really David Petraeus? Did anyone see Petraeus before his high-profile stints in Iraq and Afghanistan. Once at a press conference, I thought I saw someone say “hey Sid!” and Petraeus turned around.

What is interesting is that the Administration moved to convince the New York Times to withhold Mr. Mansour’s name from an article about the peace talks — so not to jeopardize the sensitive talks and put Mr. Mansour’s life at risk. The Times agreed to withhold his name. They now believe the man may simply have been trying to enrich himself. There is also a suggestion that the ruse was the work of the Pakistani intelligence service (ISI), which has close ties to the Taliban and has been hostile of U.S. efforts in Afghanistan.

For its part, the Taliban has always said that there are no talks at all. They appear to be telling the truth. It might have begun with an email from Nigeria saying “Hi, I am Mullah Mansour and I would like to end the war in Afghanistan. All I need is some financial help with an account in Kandahar . . .”

By the way, Mansour is like Smith as a common name in the region –making this an episode of the “Importance of Being Mansour.” We just need Oscar Wilde to write the historical account of the infatuated CIA operatives. I am just waiting for the faux Mansour to turn out to be a bearded guy named Bud Mansour from Pittsburgh who was just visiting Pakistan with a tour. I can see our crackerjack CIA station chief now going down his list “Beard? Check. Mansour sounding name? Check. Black turban? Check. Willingness to take our money? Check. Done. Fly him to Karzai.”

On a related note, I would like to announce to the Obama Administration that I am secretly Umberto III, the last of the House of Savoy and the Italian royal line. With a payment of “a large amount of money” and a private jet to Italy, I am prepared to start negotiations over the current Italian political crisis. Arrivederci, my friends. I will return following months of expected negotiations in Tuscany.

Source: NY Times

Jonathan (Umberto III) Turley

20 thoughts on “Fubar in Kandahar: Afghan and American Officials Discover That They Have Been Negotiating With Imposter for Months”

  1. Thanks for the link, ekeyra.

    You said, “In their defense though, the 8% that do know about it is probably a bigger pecentage than the american population who know why were there.”

    LLOL (Sadly, we’re a pretty ignorant lot…)

  2. http://www.reuters.com/article/idUSTRE6AI2OX20101119

    The report by The International Council on Security and Development (ICOS) policy think-tank showed 92 percent of 1,000 Afghan men surveyed in Helmand and Kandahar know nothing of the hijacked airliner attacks on U.S. targets in 2001.

    In their defense though, the 8% that do know about it is probably a bigger pecentage than the american population who know why were there. Maybe its all a matter who’se wedding partys keep getting blowed up that make you wonder about stuff like that…

  3. “If we had real reporters, I’m sure they would link him directly back to a private contractor/OGA.” (Jill)

    Yep. The whole thing stinks to high heaven…

    Thanks for the additional information, Jill. (Miss your insights around here…)

  4. The word on the street from the git go was this wasn’t the guy. Yet he flew in US helicopters and received bags of money. The US govt. appears to have known he wasn’t the right guy but he was helpful in so many ways. I remember seeing the “newz” about how well the talks were going all of a sudden and I wondered how that could be. It didn’t make any sense. So this guy helped create excellent propaganda for keeping the war effort going–we are winning, talks are going well etc. This ruse served many functions for the corrupt US “govt”. If we had real reporters, I’m sure they would link him directly back to a private contractor/OGA.

    As the Bush crowds like to say: USA, USA, USA!

  5. Isabel,

    When the CIA and ISI are holding most of the cards, we should expect the sucker punches — that’s how some of the agents work, IMHO.

    (But don’t misunderstand, there are some good folks in both agencies, I’m hoping. It’s the bad ones we have to worry about. Dirty tricks abound these days.)

  6. Sucker punched again.

    What did GWB say? “Fool me once, fool me twice, er just forget it.”

    Another mindboggling fact is that they just let the guy go with his money back to Pakistan after they found out he was a fraud. Source: NYT

  7. WHat gets me is that they can shoot a hellfire missile from a predator drone at 35,000 feet and blow up a house the just KNOW has the Taliban’s number 2 guy in it (we have been doing that regularly for 8 years now) but we have no way of knowing if the guy we are sitting next to with a glass of tea is the Taliban’s number 2 guy of the moment.

    And these morons wonder why they have no creditability – blow up another wedding party you assholes, eventually they will love us.

  8. To qoute Frank M III:

    “If it wasn’t so serious it would be funny,and if it wasn’t so funny it would be serious”

    I think I got that right Frank.

  9. When you’re wounded and left on Afghanistan’s plains,
    And the women come out to cut up what remains,
    Jest roll to your rifle an’ blow out your brains
    An’ go to your Gawd like a soldier.

    ~ Rudyard Kipling

  10. We’ve had imposters in the White House for the last ten years and even longer in Congress. They’ve been pretending that they care about the interests of “We the People” when they only are about themselves and how much corporate graft they can suck down. This isn’t that different.

  11. FUBAR certainly describes it but, beyond the obvious, something isn’t right about this… The entire incident doesn’t pass the smell test. Someone wanted this outcome (ISI, CIA, someone else?), IMHO. I don’t believe for a second that this was anything other than intentional.

    (And how much money is “a lot of money”???)

  12. Thanks professor, in fairness these are the same dupes from the Bush administration. However it has been magnified because the current administration has added to the list ten fold.

    1. Bdaman, I had to follow your lead and add a line on possible email scams. Perfect comeback.

  13. Leveling entire villages to deny them to the enemy sounds like something out of the Middle Ages. And the idea that a clever rogue could dupe a powerful government into handing him sacks of treasure is a plot straight out of a 16th Century baroque adventure novel. But in fact, these are actual stories coming out of Afghanistan this week.Read more about these troubling events here… ( http://la-riposte.blogspot.com/2010/11/scorched-earth-fake-negotiations.html )

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