“Grizzly” Death Averted: Bear-icide Stopped by Divine Intervention

Submitted by Mark Esposito, Guest Blogger

For years, the policy reason behind the law’s prohibition against assisted suicide has eluded me. Eureka! I have found the answer —  it’s to prevent bear indigestion.

Fugitive and convicted Arizona killer, Tracy Province, had a novel means to accomplish his own demise. Escaping from a Kingman jail with a trio of other desperadoes, Province hatched a plan to drive to Yellowstone Park, shoot up a gram of heroin, and lie down in the national park in an effort to become food for the famous Yellowstone grizzlies.

The plan likely would have worked too, according to National Park Service spokesman, Al Nash. “We have a fair number of bears in the ecosystem,” Nash said. “They eat about anything. A bear would rather get an easy meal than a difficult meal, but human bear encounters are very infrequent.”

Alas, there is no honor among thieves and Province had a change of heart deciding to eschew his nature walk in favor of  visiting relatives in Indiana instead. (Note: it is not known if contact with the Hoosier state or the encounter with family was the newly minted method of self-destruction. I’m betting the former.)

According to Arizona Sheriff ‘s detective Larry Matthews, Province’s change of heart was due to Providence.  Matthews explained that Province “had wanted to go up on a mountain, shoot up a gram of heroin and ‘be bear food.’ As he was preparing the drug, a voice told him not to go through with the plan, and he changed course in favor of trying to hitchhike to Indiana to see family.”

 “He called it divine intervention,” Matthews wrote in an August report following Province’s capture. I call it another day at the soup kitchens for the bears. Hey, hey, Boo-Boo.

Source: Associated Press

~Mark Esposito, Guest Blogger

17 thoughts on ““Grizzly” Death Averted: Bear-icide Stopped by Divine Intervention”

  1. Sometimes, a used deck is good, but only if it has come from an advanced reader or from someone that you
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  2. Anyone who goes hiking in bear habitation areas should take certain precautions. While hiking it’s best to tie small bells to your shoelaces so you don’t inadvertantly startle a feeding bear, also take pepper spray in case of chance incounters.
    You should also learn how to tell the differance between brown bears and the larger more aggressive grizzley bears. First look for the scat. Brown bear scat will have semidigested berries, bits of fur, possibly small bits of bark. Grizzley bear scat will have little bells and smell like pepper.

  3. Criminals usually find God while IN jail, not out! What made Province so special??!!

  4. Sometimes the best laid plans goes awry….hell if he had just wanted to tease the bears…well, I am sure a little honey would have made it all better…..

  5. Blouise & BIL:

    TO your points if Mr. Province had succeeded and became a heroin laced morsel for the bears:

  6. Blouise

    lol The thought of drug crazed bears in Yellowstone would lead me to think about changing vacation plans.

  7. If all had gone as originally planned, would the bear have gotten high? In my opinion, if there was divine intervention, it was on behalf of the bear, not the man.

  8. Buddha –

    Great point. Maybe they’ll stick him someplace wherehe can learn the fine art of basket weaving.

    Suicide by Ursus arctos horribilis seems unbearably inane. It sounds even deadlier in Latin.

  9. If he had wanted to get eaten by the bears, heroin was not the answer.

    A good “pick-a-nic” basket disguise would have both lured the bears and fooled the park rangers.

  10. I doubt seriously that any clown with a death wish and the initials of toilet paper could be smarter than a Yellowstone grizzly.

    And no bear with a pulse would be caught dead in that ridiculous jumpsuit.

  11. rafflaw:

    “Province was smarter than the average bear!”


    Damn, I wish I’d written that! 😀

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