The Miracle of The Goldfish

By Mark Esposito, Guest Blogger

bildeIt appears the Almighty is up to His tricks again. After appearing on treesbird poop, and causing several statues to cry, the new medium of divine communication is now the ubiquitous pacifier of  toddlers, the humble Goldfish cracker. Patti Burke, from Melbourne, Fla, was the lucky recipient this time, opening her package of the Pepperidge Farm product to find a circled cross and crown on one of the brightly colored orange fish. Patty was overjoyed at the find and the timing:

“When I picked this one up, I knew he was special,” the Melbourne woman said of her Holy Week discovery. “He had a cross on him, and he had a crown circle up by his head. Something I’ve never seen before out of all the Goldfish I’ve eaten.”

Leaping into authentication mode, Ms. Burke called the company that is a subsidiary of the Campbell’s Soup Company. “I called Pepperidge Farm and said, ‘Hey, do you have some special promotion going on, I think I’ve got the lucky fish,’” she said. “They called me back and said there’s no way this could have been printed like that in the factory. … They said it sounds like something miraculous happened and we don’t know how it happened.”

There you have it, confirmation of the miracle by the highest temporal  authority of all, the Fortune 500.

Impressed but not convinced, Patty continued on her amateur thaumaturgist bent by consulting with a pro — D. Scott Worth, pastor of  the Presbyterian Church of the Good Shepherd, who just days before had talked about fish as a symbol of Christianity in front of the congregation. Pastor Worth removed any doubt of human intervention proclaiming, “Maybe it’s because we are people that buy into the ‘big fish’ story of Jesus’ resurrection,” he remembered suggesting in his Sunday sermon. “…Big fish story from the standpoint of it’s hard to follow … Jesus’ closest disciples all didn’t believe it at first, because it’s so fantastic and life changing.”

“Big fish story”? Disciples didn’t believe it? Was the pastor tongue-in-cheek?

Regardless, Patty is ecstatic.

“I believe that it’s a sign, a sign from God, that … he is still in our life every day and he wants to show that to his people. And it’s something that happened right here at Easter. After talking with Pastor Scott I know that what all the cross means. It’s eternal life with the circle around the cross.”

Patty is not sure what she wants to do with the relic, keeping it for the time being in an earring box. She tried developing photographs of the icon but none came out after a trip through the development bath at the local Walgreens.

While the revelation appears pure poppycock to this skeptical mind, it does have all the sweetness of wonder that makes Patty and her faith so appealing to many. It also has the merit of contradicting Reverend Pat Robertson, who thinks all miracles happen in Africa these days. Take that you sanctimonious exclusivist,  you!

And to quote that theologian of the age, Sheryl Crow, ” If it makes you happy, it can’t be that bad.”

Source: Florida

~Mark Esposito, Guest Blogger

46 thoughts on “The Miracle of The Goldfish”

  1. how odd…

    it says that the church (anti christ) will…

    …put up a great fight against GOD

    …all those inside will be killed.

    …GOD gave free will to do it at any time.

  2. Malisha

    somewhere out there is a goldfish cracker with six hundred three score and six (KJV) on it.

  3. malisha:

    which cracker is worse? the florida cracker or the goldfish cracker?

    Love all the crackers!

  4. This woman has it made! All she needs is to put the goldfishy in a shrine, declare her home ‘visited by God almighty’ and then charge the pilgrims to the shrine some dollars! I can see it now: the new Lourdes. For the unemployed, the perfect opportunity to make goldfish with the same imprints and start selling them in little stalls outside the house; oh, and let’s start printing T-shirt with the goldfish image. I am sure to pick up the Pepperidge Farm goldfish and gobble them up while reading this blog. Hallelujah!


    It could just as easily be the mark of the beast, applied in such a way as to mislead the unwary cracker cruncher.

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