The Miracle of The Goldfish

By Mark Esposito, Guest Blogger

bildeIt appears the Almighty is up to His tricks again. After appearing on treesbird poop, and causing several statues to cry, the new medium of divine communication is now the ubiquitous pacifier of  toddlers, the humble Goldfish cracker. Patti Burke, from Melbourne, Fla, was the lucky recipient this time, opening her package of the Pepperidge Farm product to find a circled cross and crown on one of the brightly colored orange fish. Patty was overjoyed at the find and the timing:

“When I picked this one up, I knew he was special,” the Melbourne woman said of her Holy Week discovery. “He had a cross on him, and he had a crown circle up by his head. Something I’ve never seen before out of all the Goldfish I’ve eaten.”

Leaping into authentication mode, Ms. Burke called the company that is a subsidiary of the Campbell’s Soup Company. “I called Pepperidge Farm and said, ‘Hey, do you have some special promotion going on, I think I’ve got the lucky fish,’” she said. “They called me back and said there’s no way this could have been printed like that in the factory. … They said it sounds like something miraculous happened and we don’t know how it happened.”

There you have it, confirmation of the miracle by the highest temporal  authority of all, the Fortune 500.

Impressed but not convinced, Patty continued on her amateur thaumaturgist bent by consulting with a pro — D. Scott Worth, pastor of  the Presbyterian Church of the Good Shepherd, who just days before had talked about fish as a symbol of Christianity in front of the congregation. Pastor Worth removed any doubt of human intervention proclaiming, “Maybe it’s because we are people that buy into the ‘big fish’ story of Jesus’ resurrection,” he remembered suggesting in his Sunday sermon. “…Big fish story from the standpoint of it’s hard to follow … Jesus’ closest disciples all didn’t believe it at first, because it’s so fantastic and life changing.”

“Big fish story”? Disciples didn’t believe it? Was the pastor tongue-in-cheek?

Regardless, Patty is ecstatic.

“I believe that it’s a sign, a sign from God, that … he is still in our life every day and he wants to show that to his people. And it’s something that happened right here at Easter. After talking with Pastor Scott I know that what all the cross means. It’s eternal life with the circle around the cross.”

Patty is not sure what she wants to do with the relic, keeping it for the time being in an earring box. She tried developing photographs of the icon but none came out after a trip through the development bath at the local Walgreens.

While the revelation appears pure poppycock to this skeptical mind, it does have all the sweetness of wonder that makes Patty and her faith so appealing to many. It also has the merit of contradicting Reverend Pat Robertson, who thinks all miracles happen in Africa these days. Take that you sanctimonious exclusivist,  you!

And to quote that theologian of the age, Sheryl Crow, ” If it makes you happy, it can’t be that bad.”

Source: Florida

~Mark Esposito, Guest Blogger

46 thoughts on “The Miracle of The Goldfish”

  1. justice holmes:

    it isnt the religion, its people. you can find crazies in secular vestments just as easily as in heavenly ones.

    that is why we have laws, to protect us from those who think they are God/gods.

  2. I wonder how many miracles I’ve eaten over the years. I forget to look before I nibble.

  3. Goldfish are great in tomato soup. Not this Fatima Fish, just the regular ones.

  4. Bron, have you heard about NC and their evolution that States are not bound by the Constitution.

    You are correct Islam isn’t Christianity but Christianity did have its day of burning heretics, witches and others. It looks like it would like to do that again starting with women.

    Of course a gold fish that is allegedly marked with a Christian symbol isn’t the Spanish Inquisition but then no one expects……

    But seriously you asked why people are afraid of religion, I think you got your answer.

  5. Frankly:

    Christianity is not Islam and there is a pesky little thing called the Constitution which prevents the very thing you are rightly afraid of [and so am I].

    Something like this is benign and hurts no one, if her belief that it is a sign from the Almighty helps her, why should we criticize?

    Personally, I dont care how you live or what you believe, it is a free [sort of] country after all.

  6. Bron – why are normal people threatened by religion? Seriously dude? So you are all good with Sharia law, right? Because that is what we are afraid of. No matter if it is Islam or Christianity this idea that some white-haired Zeus demands we live exactly the way you believe He demands is whats scary. Its not the belief, its the attempts to enforce bits and pieces of what the various adherents to certain parts of a code designed to keep goat herders in line 4000 years ago

  7. The Hairy thunderer is so great He can make the imprint of a screw head on a cracker yet He is incapable of feeding a single starving child with the cracker.

    You want me to believe this is a sign from the Great Cosmic Muffin? Take that fish loaf and feed Africa with it!

  8. I wonder if this might have been caused by the fish, after being cut by the roller, popped up and was compressed on a plate that had a counter-sunk phillips screw in it. It does seem to fit the shape.

  9. rafflaw:

    I would eat the cracker.

    I think mespo is in cahoots with her to publicize the story for a big payout on ebay. I am guessing he is taking more than 10%. 🙂

  10. Bob K:

    “Atheists/agnostics are threatened by religion because it can’t keep its filthy little fingers out of government.”

    Amen to that.

    And if liberals would keep government out of economics oh what a wonderful world it would be.

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