There is a bizarre and disturbing case out of India where an Indian man has been criminally charged after his wife filmed homosexual liaisons in their home and took the evidence to the police. It is a crime punishable by life in prison to engage in homosexual relations in India. The case is an insight not only into the abusive Indian criminal code but the traditions of such arranged marriages. What is interesting is that the wife, a dentist, has also charged her in-laws with a crime after alleging that they had to know that their son was gay before the marriage.
The wife said that after their marriage, she developed some suspicions. That would seem mild given the fact that the husband refused to touch her, insisted on sleeping in separate rooms, and wore what she described as lady-like underwear and wear make up. They lived separately (working in different cities) for the first six months of their marriage. The husband, a 32-year old engineer with the financial services department of Infosys, would often return home early and the wife heard that men were coming to the house. She said that the continual use of pink lip gloss began to raise her suspicions. However, she says that, when she raised the problems with her in-laws, they told her that it was her fault.
She decided to set up hidden cameras for when she would be going to out of town for 10 days. She ended up capturing scenes of homosexual sex. One can understand the effort to confirm her suspicions, but the next step was unexpected. She burned a CD and then burned her husband by going to the police.
The husband was charged under the infamous section 377 of the criminal code. The section was declared unconstitutional by the Delhi High Court in July 2009, but the Supreme Court later overturned that ruling.
It remains astonishing to me that a nation with India would maintain such a law. However, the case also highlights the dangers of arraigned marriages. My maternal grandparents had such an arraigned marriage within their Sicilian community. They can be successful, but such marriages often reflect sexist or abusive treatment of girls in many cultures. It is also the denial of one of the most important decisions of a person’s life in selecting a partner.
What is interesting is the use of these arranged marriages for professionals. I once watched mothers bartering in a park in Beijing over arranging dates for their respective adult professional children. Chinese professionals are viewed as too busy to date and mothers continue to arrange marriages.
The wife in this case is understandably upset by an arraigned marriage gone bad. However, to convert the matter into a criminal charge is a terrible decision. The husband was wrong to get married to her if he is gay. However, the central problem is with the archaic tradition of arranged marriages. In any case, the use of an abusive criminal provision goes well beyond the reasonable, even for a shocked and legitimately angry spouse.
Source: Bangalore Mirror
There are young people who want an arranged marriage. In this case, an annulment would have made sense but, since it wasn’t an option, the wife did what she had to do given the laws there. Good for her. Should a man be sentenced to prison for being homosexual? No. But neither should he have deceived the woman by marrying her.
Changing a culture that is homophobic and sexist, and classist to be fair to all is very difficult, as we’re finding out here. We have made gains on our homophobia, sexism, classism, and racism, but we still have a long way to go. It might be better if we cleaned our own house before we pointed fingers at the houses of others.
DBQ – good point. I hadn’t thought of that – either that this is a way to end an arranged marriage, or save her life now that she knows.
As an example of how open this culture is, hijra often make cameos in Bollywood movies. They had a whole dance sequence in Bride and Prejudice.
And yet, being gay is criminalized.
Is it a case of “don’t ask, don’t tell,” or “make sure no one has a bloody video”?
It is an unfortunate aspect of human nature that scorned spouses often use any means necessary to get revenge.
Arranged marriages often result in two people that do not care about each other being stuck together. In the best circumstances, families that really care about their children introduce them to suitable candidates with good values, and the children decide whether to proceed. But more often it’s an alliance that benefits the family, not the intended spouses.
Many countries have criminalized homosexual behavior. In the Middle East, it carries a death sentence. India is almost as bad, with the life sentence.
And yet, India is a real contradiction. On the one hand, there is a draconian penalty for being gay. On the other, there is a whole hijra culture which lives quite openly. They include transgender and eunuchs, and their roles range from the spiritual, to prostitutes. Some were forcibly castrated, others do it to themselves, while still others are intact. They supposedly transcend all sexuality, while in practice they are transgender.
So let’s Americanize this. Man and woman get married, woman has considerable wealth, no prenup, man is bisexual but really wants to be gay, man deceived woman, woman finds out and wants divorce, man gets lawyer and sues for half of wealth claiming this that and the other-a sleazy, oops good lawyer who could get a third to a half of the winnings can be found, and so on. Add in that they are Jewish and the rabbi won’t honor the divorce….
Perhaps the woman had a child from a previous marriage and both the man and woman were catholic and when she wanted to enroll her child in a catholic school the issue of divorce came up……
This circus goes on all over, the only difference is the poor fool might just go to jail and the woman might get stoned to death, or burned to death, or have acid thrown at her.
In that country it might just be the appropriate thing to do. But she should move far away.
issac – let’s stick to the facts at hand.
I frequently travel to the past and there I was in 1967 reading about this very thing in, I think it was Mississippi, or was that Kentucky. We seem to appear aghast at these situation that not too long ago took place here, along with lynchings, and just about everything else at which we point our fingers. There is much left to do at home.
issac – in 1967 you read about a wife videotaping her husband having sex with another man?
Ami, You’re welcome. I figured you were US based but had international info via famiglia.
I do think she may have trouble both getting a divorce and getting the husband convicted, even with the sex tape. India seems notorious for not convicting sex criminals.
I am with the wife on this one. She was defrauded in the marriage. The parents probably knew. And she did the right thing. Like it or not, it is against the law in India, and many other countries.
I don’t like Obamacare, but it is the law of the land.
Thanks, Nick. However, I should point out that I’m an American lawyer who happens to just have another cultural perspective, similar to JT’s comments on his Sicilian grandparents. 🙂
Ami, One of the great aspects of this blog is its international reach. Thanks for your experience and comment.
This all makes my life seem simple.
In India, it is extremely hard to get a divorce, as there is no such thing as a “no fault” divorce. Years ago, a family member of mine who also had an arranged marriage to a gay man had to provide proof of his affair with another man in order to be granted her divorce. Whether he had slept with a man or woman, her allegations of an affair would not have been enough. Especially in a culture of arranged marriages, one who breaks a marriage (irrespective of whether they are being abused, cheated on, etc.) are considered “at fault” for breaking up two families, so I suspect the woman’s attempts to turn this on her in-laws was a matter of saving face, since she was the one to file for divorce.
It is unfortunate that this woman tried to turn this into a criminal activity. I am saddened that the Supreme Court in India decided to recriminalize homosexuality after the Delhi High Court had overturned the archaic law, and hope the government eventually steps in to rewrite the law.
Another thought. Now that she KNOWS that he is homosexual and that her in-laws basically tricked her into marriage…..would not her life be in actual danger even if she decided to keep quiet about it.
It would be an incentive to get rid of her, kill her, to be SURE that the secret never gets out.
Perhaps she took this extraordinary step to save her own life?
“Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned, Nor hell a fury like a woman scorned,” spoken by Perez in Act 3, Scene 2, The Mourning Bride (1697).
–William Congreve (1670-1729),an English playwright and poet.
I do not understand the focus upon arranged marriages. I get that this marriage was arranged, but many arranged marriages work out very well. I could point to many marriages without being arranged that did not work out. The spouses claim they were too young to know how to choose a spouse. It makes sense that more experienced parents might better know how to choose a good partner for their child.
And what about if the liaisons here were with other women instead of men? Wouldn’t she still have a legitimate a complaint? The law should address grievances like this one. Is the law suppose to be silent when a woman is wronged like this just because it involves sexuality? Our culture seems to think anything sexual should get a free pass from the law because of “privacy” whittled out of the Fourteenth Amendment. Maybe it is time we wake up from this stupor.
The wife in this case is understandably upset by an arraigned marriage gone bad. However, to convert the matter into a criminal charge is terrible decision.
What other choices does she have to end the marriage? Serious question since I don’t know much about India. If divorce is not available should she be forced to live forever (or until she has acid thrown in her face or killed by the in-laws) in a sham marriage?
Does she have any other recourse or is the fastest, best and possibly only way to get out of a marriage that she probably never wanted in the first place?
I totally agree on the arranged marriages. They might work out in some cases but often can be abusive or just a perpetual prison. Years ago, when the answer to an unwanted pregnancy was to have very young people get married, the situation was likely similar. Two people forced into marriage. Sometimes it worked, as in the case of my husband’s parents. They married very young. His mother was 16 yrs old when he was born and they remained married for 50 years (until his father died) and had 3 more children. Other times…..not so good.
Were there any Bengal Tiger costumes involved?
Les liaisons dangereuses, oui?
Would this not be considered adultery in our country?