Report: Witches Now Outnumber Presbyterians In The United States

While President Donald Trump repeatedly denounces the “witch hunt” in Washington, it may becoming more and more easy to find them.  According to a report from the Christian Post,  the number of witches and wiccans has increased dramatically since the 1990s.  Indeed, the figures is taken from studies from a Trinity College and the Pew Research Cente that found that there are at least 1.5 million witches in the United States,.  That would put them 100,000 over the 1.4 million mainline Presbyterians in the country.

The Pew Research Center reported in 2014 that 0.4% of the population — 1 to 1.5 million Americans — “identify as Wicca or Pagan.”

Most of these Americans view themselves as pre-Christian in their faith with a close connection to the Earth and natural forces.

In other words, Trump is right . . . at least about the witches.  Indeed, the Los Angeles Times ran a commentary on May 23, 2017, in which witch Diana Wagman announced that she and “thousands of witches, believers . . .  over the world” had cast a binding spell on President Donald Trump “under the waning crescent moon” in April last year.  It is not clear if Robert Mueller is currently waning or waxing . . . or subpoenaing.

61 thoughts on “Report: Witches Now Outnumber Presbyterians In The United States”

  1. Perhaps the Presbyterians need to call a witch to lead them and boost their numbers. After all the 2nd largest denomination in Canada has agreed to allow an avowed atheist to lead them.

    Following complaints, the Toronto Conference interview committee conducted a review that found in a split decision in 2016 that Vosper was unsuitable to continue in ordained ministry because “she does not believe in God, Jesus Christ or the Holy Spirit.”

    1. OLLY – with qualifications like that the CoE would make her the next Archbishop of Canterbury.

  2. No discernable Presbyterians on these boards, but we do have Diane, Natacha, and Jill. The survey sounds legit.

  3. A witch is a bitch with a W. God spelled backwards is dog. A dog is never a bitch. So seek out a dog in quest for truth, justice and the American Way. Never ask a witch for guidance. Watch out for so called “guidance counselors”. Eat right or don’t eat at all.
    Drink left or don’t drink in the Fall. A left wing woman is a bitch and a right wing woman is a witch. Never the Twain shall meet– particularly in Hannibal. If you are gonna be a cannibal then wear false teeth. If you smoke tobacco expect early death. If your dumb kid smokes then you are lame and dumb and you both went in dumb and come out dumb too.

  4. Stop, don’t tell me, more identity politics! I should have seen this coming.

    1. Independent Bob – do you think that witches will be accurately counted in the 2020 Census? Maybe the Census will take care of the undercount?

    2. Ind. Bob,…
      – I just saw your comment about the under reporting, and I agree with you.
      Look at the number of Presbyterians who have been listed, the Presbyterians ( or former Presbyterians) who’ve commented here, etc.
      So the Presbyterians are named, and some of those posting self-identify as Presbyterians, or former Presbyterians.
      Not one self-identified witch has commented here, that I could find, and only a few were mentioned as witches, or likely to be witches.
      While the Presbyterians have been “outed”, or have outed themselves, the witches are “in the closet”, generally keeping a low profile and operating under the radar.😉
      At least about their religion and practices.
      Outside of that, they can be quite verbose.😀

  5. I dropped out of the Presbyterian Church at the earliest opportunity and I resent being forced to go when I was a child. It’s nothing more than a small subsidiary of the Democrat Party.

    1. I am a Democrat and a Presbyterian but most of my church members are Republicans. So not sure what you are talking about . Is it because we just gave LGBTQ rights in the church?

      1. Sodomy is a mortal sin. Pretending otherwise is the signature of religious bodies which have replaced historic Christianity with a therapeutic mentality.

    2. I think you mean the Presbyterian Church (USA). There are smaller Presbyterian bodies which hold to an approximation of historic Calvinism, or attempt to do so. Marvin Olasky, the editor of World Magazine belongs to one of these smaller bodies. The main body within the Lutheran dispensation is hopeless, as is the main body within Anglicanism. As far as I’m aware, the bad actors in the United Methodist Church haven’t been able to take over the denomination as a whole, just particular agencies and provinces. The Southern Baptist Convention remains resistant to the most obvious corruption.

      As for the Catholic Church, the question at hand is when is it going to hit bottom. Hasn’t happened yet.

  6. The reality is that more people worship money and power than anything else. And Trump is their High Priest.

    1. Really? Mark Zuckerberg holds out Trump as his high priest?

      The propensity to support Trump is correlated with the following:

      1. Residence in the interior and in the South
      2. Residence in exurbs, small towns, or countryside.
      3. Being married
      4. Being a white wage earner or married to one
      5. Being past your young adult years

      Every once in a while I encounter a snotty professional-class type who insists that Trump is the candidate of losers like their cousins back in Kansas. Kevin Williamson, an editor of the remains of Wm. Buckley’s National Review wrote a hideously obnoxious article advancing that thesis. Now we hear from you that the people in this country most likely to have circumscribed ambitions worship ‘money and power’. Do partisan Democrats ever tire of being pigs?

      1. “Do partisan Democrats ever tire of being pigs?” Asked by the wretched one.

        “Do partisan [Repugs] ever tire of being pigs?” There. Much better.

  7. 1,500,000? For these witches, is that number represented in heximal? Sounds like they are trying to puff up their numbers.

  8. President Donald J. Trump must be a witch because all these witchhunters have been laboring mightily for the Witchfinder General,

    Obergruppenfuhrer Mueller:

    Rosenstein, Mueller/Team, Comey, McCabe, Strozk, Page, Kadzic, Yates, Baker, Bruce Ohr, Nellie Ohr, Priestap, Kortan, Campbell, Steele, Simpson, Joseph Mifsud, Stefan “The Walrus” Halper, Kerry, Hillary, Huma, Brennan, Clapper, Farkas, Power, Lynch, Rice, Jarrett, Obama et al.

  9. Maybe they are the ones who magically mysticaly transported the marchers from Central America up Mexico Route 15 after magically mystically crossing the continental divide all without being seen or noticed by anyone!!!!

    Immigrant caravans got plush when no one was looking or cared to look.

    To date not one has walked by our exit not thousands, not hundreds, not 650, not one. How did that happen. Witches maybe or no TV cameras for the street theater. none skipped by and then did a hard left to Tiajuana. None. zero zilch cerro goose egg.

    Maybe on busses or maybe just maybe the script called for out of work hollywierd extras who in reality live and work in southern california or northern mexico. Ones who were local all the time. While the main cast is taking a break down south of Guadalajara.

    If we see any we will keep you posted.

  10. PS Schulte,…
    Any significant updates on the curses that our early AM propagandist said were in store for you?

  11. The first time I ever heard the Lord’s name taken in vain was from the mouth of a Presbyterian.
    Coincidence? Connection? hmmmm🤔

    1. Please explain or repeat some sentence where the Lord’s name is taken in vain. Are we talking about Jesus here? How about: Hey Zeus, ready for use. Don’t let your meat loaf.

    2. Cindy,
      The first time I heard a priest cuss ( fairly mildly) I was in the 6th grade.
      We had a track meet, and he was a young, athletic priest who coached us in all sports.
      Track was a very minor sport next to baseball, but all of the schools in our league met for one big track meet near the end of the year.
      We had no track shoes, starting blocks, or uniforms….I think we mostly used basketball jerseys and shorts.
      My Dad got some blocks of wood and cut them at an angle so that we’d have a few starting blocks.
      The morning of the meet, I rounded up some nails. I think my folks were out shopping or something, and the only nails long enough that I could find where in the kitchen, in a tall glass jar.
      I didn’t know what aluminum cooking nails were, but I found out when the priest tried to drive them through the starting blocks.😊
      After trying a few nails that ended up very bent, his face turned redder and he asked me “what the hell kind of nails did you get, anyway?”.
      We were both pretty embarrassed at the time, with our improvised starting blocks and my useless, folding “novelty nails” on display for some of the meet’s officials and members of competing teams.
      It later became kind of a running joke between the priest and those of us on the next years’ teams of the different sports.
      Hadn’t thought about it in a long time; your comment “the first time I ever heard” reminded me of it.
      The priest was a good coach and a good guy. He was in town for a few years before he was transferred, which was common for newly ordained priests.
      I think he left the priesthood in his mid-30s…..never got very much news about him once he was assigned out of our area.

      1. Tom…..what a great story! It’s hilarious…….and poignant. The best stories are the true ones! Thanks.

      2. Tom Nash – the first time I heard a religious person go off the rails was our 8th grade nun. After beating the backs of one of the boy’s hands with a ruler, he looked her square in the eyes and said, “Fu+k you, Sister Jane.” She looked him back in the eye and replied, Fu*k you, Robert. And to hell with you.”

    1. Paul,
      “Bring out the torches and the pitchforks” and a James Whale enthusiast! 😄

    2. PC Schulte,..
      -I never did hear a nun say any cuss words; the words used by that nun you mentioned would have been a huge surprise.
      Never even heard a “hell” or a “damn” out of nuns in our area, but those “Montana nuns” might have been a different breed.
      She got in a cuss, and a “curse” ( “and to hell with you”) all in one sentence.
      We had an annual production of these god-awful plays called “Operretas”, directed by a nun who taught music.
      I think the entire 7th and 8th grade classes were in it; most in the singing chorus.
      One year the play had “fairies” in it. Often when the dialogue or singing involved the mention of fairies, there’d be some guys snickering during the rehersals.
      The nun had no idea what was causing that reaction, but she eventually found out.
      Gave a lecture about “dirty minds”, yelled that “fairies are ELVES!”.
      The lecture made the whole situation even funnier…..I think most were able to keep a straight face during her tirade, but a few unidentified guys were not completely able to suppress some giggles.
      Since there were about 50 of us standing on the bleachers, she couldn’t pick out the culprits.
      Safety in numbers.

      1. Tom Nash – that particular nun had a really rough year. She was put on compassionate leave the next year and packed away somewhere for the safety of herself and others. 😉 She was a shock to all of us.

        1. PC Schulte,…
          Sounds like that Robert in your class finally drove her over the edge!
          We had a couple of nuns, out of maybe the 15 or 20 that I knew over the years, who maybe should have been “put away”.
          Not so much for safety….they were just very unpleasant people, who in turn found themselves being treated unpleasantly by a number of students.
          I think there were about 200,000 American nuns at the peak in the early 1960s; I’d have to check to be certain, but I think there are c. 60,000 currently.
          Lots of priests and nuns were leaving the clergy by the late 60s and early 70s.
          Those departures were fairly rare prior to that time; but once that dam burst, it seemed to turn into a mass exodus.

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