The Bulgarian Church has announced that it has found the culprit in the sinking of a boat this week that killed 15 people: Madonna. This may not come as a surprise to some, but it appears that Madonna’s show was such an affront to God that he decided to kill a bunch of Bulgarians on a boat in Macedonia’s Lake Ohrid. Makes perfect sense.
The problem arose when Madonna refused to change the date of the concert from August 29th – the day Orthodox Christians mark the beheading of Saint John the Baptist. Church leader Nikolay declared: “The catastrophe in Macedonia in which 15 Bulgarian citizens died was a sign from heaven. The Orthodox Church had called for people not to enjoy themselves on the day marking the execution of John. We should not allow the young to have fun on a day that should be dedicated to spiritual reflection.”
One of the curious things about some religious leaders is that they assume that God is a more base and vengeful being than the vast majority of humans — that he would use innocent Bulgarians to convey his displeasure over a Madonna concert. In the mind of people like Nikolay it makes perfect sense that God would keep track of Madonna’s concert schedule and drown 15 humans in a peevish outburst. It is better to drown the young than “allow the young to have fun on the day” that we reflect on the terrible sacrifice of a human by a heartless tyrant.
Of course, I saw this coming as soon as Madonna came out with Nobody’s Perfect, which is a virtual foreshadowing of her murderous maritime intentions:
Cool I am
When I am with you
Cool I’m not
When I am lonely
I feel so sad
What I did wasn’t right
I feel so bad
And I must say to you
What did you expect
I’m doing my best
Then there is her lyrical confession in Runaway Lover:
You’re set adrift with no direction
Just like a ship that’s lost at sea
You don’t care where you drop your anchor
Make sure it doesn’t land on me
A coincidence? I (and Nikolay) think not.
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