The Bulgarian Church has announced that it has found the culprit in the sinking of a boat this week that killed 15 people: Madonna. This may not come as a surprise to some, but it appears that Madonna’s show was such an affront to God that he decided to kill a bunch of Bulgarians on a boat in Macedonia’s Lake Ohrid. Makes perfect sense.
The problem arose when Madonna refused to change the date of the concert from August 29th – the day Orthodox Christians mark the beheading of Saint John the Baptist. Church leader Nikolay declared: “The catastrophe in Macedonia in which 15 Bulgarian citizens died was a sign from heaven. The Orthodox Church had called for people not to enjoy themselves on the day marking the execution of John. We should not allow the young to have fun on a day that should be dedicated to spiritual reflection.”
One of the curious things about some religious leaders is that they assume that God is a more base and vengeful being than the vast majority of humans — that he would use innocent Bulgarians to convey his displeasure over a Madonna concert. In the mind of people like Nikolay it makes perfect sense that God would keep track of Madonna’s concert schedule and drown 15 humans in a peevish outburst. It is better to drown the young than “allow the young to have fun on the day” that we reflect on the terrible sacrifice of a human by a heartless tyrant.
Of course, I saw this coming as soon as Madonna came out with Nobody’s Perfect, which is a virtual foreshadowing of her murderous maritime intentions:
Cool I am
When I am with you
Cool I’m not
When I am lonelyI feel so sad
What I did wasn’t right
I feel so bad
And I must say to youSorry, but
Chorus:
Nobody’s perfect
Nobody’s perfect
What did you expect
I’m doing my best
Then there is her lyrical confession in Runaway Lover:
You’re set adrift with no direction
Just like a ship that’s lost at sea
You don’t care where you drop your anchor
Make sure it doesn’t land on me
A coincidence? I (and Nikolay) think not.
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Gyges,
What a song! It’s like she wrote it just for me! I know she didn’t but, hell, isn’t that the hallmark of good songwriting? To make you connect? I’ll be looking into more of Ms. Spektor’s music.
And as much as I thank you for your many valuable insights into things musical and fermented, I saw a comment you made on another thread the other day I just wasn’t in a position to respond to although I dearly wanted to:
Chicken Beer.
To paraphrase the great Dr. Farnsworth, “Jesus, Buddha, and Mohamed help me! Satan! You owe me!”
Have you actually tried that concoction? It makes me feel greener than usual thinking about it.
Sounds like something Beck would headline a show with as a hot new Progressive conspiracy…
This is one of my favorite Regina Spektor songs, but you’ll have to listen to the last line to figure out why.
“One of the curious things about some religious leaders is that they assume that God is a more base and vengeful being than the vast majority of humans — that he would use innocent Bulgarians to convey his displeasure over a Madonna concert.”
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I agree, Professor. Unfortunately, I think the reason many religious leaders feel this way is because they have actually read the Bible and “the vast majority of humans” have not.
How could one find God loving if they base their sole understanding of him on a book whose main point is that he sent is only begotten son here to be tortured and crucified? To be “sacrificed” for our sins? What kind of God is that but a “base and vengeful” God?
Sadly, I think the only way anyone will ever discover that God IS kind and loving is by developing a personal relationship with him themselves, inside their own heart. Of course, the church would rather have you go through them! 🙂
I can see it from a canonical view as well as a personal view. They should be respected for the belief that they have and for that this may have consequences. Recently in North Texas the Santeria was allowed to practice the religion of choice. Coincidence or God, Bad Skipper, Faulty Crew or a bad boat? I do not know.
I would have thought God would have punished the source. Cut off the tail and the snake lives, cut off it’s head and it dies.
Isnt God omnipotent and omnicient? If he is why would he punish 15 innocents and not the root cause? I am not a supreme being, but the logic behind this does not make much sense.
Maybe George Bush killed those people, now that makes sense to me. Osama killed 3,000 people but W takes out Sadam and leaves the real perpatrator alone. Or even beter yet, why did he not go after Iran and Saudi Arabia the real source of religious philosophical fanaticism and financial backing to Islamic fundamentalists?
Now let’s assume for the sake of argument that at least some of the 15 were devout. What then is the incentive to be devout, if God can decide to off you anyway because of something someone else does? Kind of defeats the purpose if you ask me…
MADONNA: “I’m a Christian, I’m a Jew, I’m a Christian, I’m a Jew, I’m a Christian, I’m a Jew, I’m a Christian, I’m a Jew, I’m a Christian, I’m a Jew . . . .”
GOD: “Make you your mind already or I’ll get you thrown off both teams! Hmmmm. I have a better idea. See that Ferry?”
An obvious case of divine retribution for the “Papa Don’t Preach,” “Material Girl,” and “Bad Girl” numbers found early in the set.
Father Guido was wrong. Linda Ronstadt man here.
We can remember our own “Salem Witch Trials” too.
Hatred and self-righteousness does something to our minds, like power does, which leads to the most inexplicable behaviour sometimes.
Ah, I haven’t been this proud to be a Bulgarian since we elected the ex-Czar as prime minister despite the fact that he hadn’t even visited the country in the last fifty years. Good times.