God is My Co-Agent: TSA Employee Announces That He Is God at LAX

If you are tired of dealing with TSA employees who act like God Almighty, you may want to stay out of LAX where one agent announced that he is in fact God and his orders divine.

An unnamed TSA agent was arrested this week in Terminal One (the other terminals are for lesser divinities in the “City of Angels”) after he was acting “erratically.” The agent had just gotten off duty when he allegedly announced “I am god, I’m in charge.” That would certainly make it difficult to quibble over whether you really have more than three ounces in this container.

The TSA has also found that agents were using drugs during parties at work. Four workers have been identified.

What is really alarming is that this recession and unemployment crisis has even forced God to get a second job. He naturally gravitated to a position of unchecked authority with an agency with data banks tracking all of humanity. In many ways, the whole Eden story was a case of monitoring that led to expulsion (an early no-fly listing for Edenists).

Passengers are known to react a bit more readily when told “you will be delayed and potentially damned” if they do not use a one-quart bag for any liquids or gels.

For the full story, click here.

60 thoughts on “God is My Co-Agent: TSA Employee Announces That He Is God at LAX”

  1. Sorry but I will have to know which drugs and what kind of party it was before I pass my judgement on the divinity…

    However, I have lived in this world for about 30 years now and I can say with some certainty that God is either incapable or doesn’t give a sh*t. These results do not belong on the resumé of a supreme being, this is the kind of work you’d expect from an office temp with a bad attitude.

  2. What are the names of the male gay Irish couple just recently married.

    Michael Fitz Patrick and Patrick Fitz Michael

  3. Byron,

    I’m Irish. I’m a big fan of the oatmeal.

    But since this thread has turned to fascism as the topic. . . .

    The Fed wants to keep their extortion, er, Bailout secrets secret.


    Bernake! I hear the Jersey Turnpike Authority is looking for cashiers. Maybe you can get the booth next to Blago. Or pulling fries at McD’s. Because you sure as Hell can’t run a bank in a remotely legal manner.

  4. Buddha:

    you eat too many biscuits, try some raisin bran or one of the granola cereals. Or oatmeal with walnuts, craisins and maple syrup added.

  5. Background required: Constitutional Law professor. He knows better than what he’s doing and I know this to be true.

    Again, Obama’s family is not the issue nor is his citizenship. That’s a failed ruse. The issue is just like for Cheney and Bush: follow the money. Obama’s family isn’t inured old-money. His loyalty was recently and freshly purchased by lobbyists. The Cheney and Bush and al Faisel families are playing the long con. But if you follow the money, you still find the criminals.

    Constitutional Amendments do need to be made. I have no argument with that as long as they

    1) do not conflict with existing provisions or the spirit of the the DOI,

    2) do not remove rights from actual people and

    3) put corporations out of the meddling with electoral and legislative process business for good. Also

    4) make suspending habeas corpus a Constitutional crime punishable by expulsion from office. Without question and with dead certainty – do it and your own Secret Service detail will arrest you on the spot and hold you for trial pending your removal from office.

    5) Specifically outlaw the bad case law that started the slide into fascism: Buckley v. Valeo. Money is not free speech, morons in DC. It’s money. And the love of it is the root of all evil, you greedy evil bastards. Bad law. Get rid of it.

    Corporations need to have zero say in governance, shut up and pay all their taxes and be subject to the same criminal penalties for robbery and murder even though they do their killing and thieving with pens instead of swords. Being the venal cowards that they are and all. But their corporatist participation in process as if a fiction were a real person? That’s the root of EVERY problem with the American legal and economic systems: graft. And I do mean every. Profit motives have no ethics or social responsibility. Government DOES have duties to the citizens and social responsibilities. They have forgotten that too and at their own risk. Remove lobbying to start. If you are paid to talk to politicians to curry favor, you should be not just out of a job, but under investigation and most of you in jail awaiting trial. State with no uncertain terms that the right to petition is reserved to individual citizens and make that right easily accessible by installing systems that require representatives from both houses to respond to citizens with a yes/no answer to if they’ll support a interest or proposed legislation and an explanation as to why within a time certain or face penalties and possible removal from office for dereliction of duty. Make the pols start actually writing and debate the laws like they are supposed to by definition of their job, not continue to let them be lap dogs for corporations who hire lawyers with no conscious to write the laws rigging the system in their venal favor.

    These are but a small number of changes that need to Amended to the Constitution to compensate for the rise of fascism. But the first fix must be the restoration of the rule of law: Cheney gets arrested and put on trial or none of this will either happen or matter because nothing short of putting that scumbag and his Secret Energy Task force on trial for their treason? Nothing else at this point will roll the ball away from the darkness or begin to repair our international standing as an ethical power with a true democratic government. Now we are perceived as fascist bullies by not just our enemies, but our allies. Congratulations to Washington for finishing the job destroying our country just like their Saudi masters wanted. If you want someone to blame, DC, look no further than the mirror.

    Changes need to be made. No question. But my question remains as it always was: at what price?

    Our paths are narrowing on peaceful solutions. We need to make clear to Washington that actual change in their SOP is REQUIRED. Not optional. If they resist the reforms needed to maintain the social compact like restoring the rule of law? They need to know their weakness and graft dependency will have consequences that nobody really wants. Some may think they do, but they don’t. It’s going to make the first Civil War look like amateur night if the corporatists continue to get their way. When is the question and it’s not the kind of pressure cooker you can bleed indefinitely. It will blow up at some point.

    And here is where I adopt Batman’s philosophy. “I don’t have to kill you. But I don’t have to save you either.”

    Traitors have a special circle in Dante’s Hell for a reason. And they always get theirs in the end. Right now, the Congress is as guilty of dereliction of their Constitutional duty as the President is guilty of violating both his oath of office and the Constitution proper. Bush started the tradition of the Fascist Imperial President. Obama has just bought into the crime in progress.

    But it’s time to Amend the Constitution to reclaim the rights that are ours from those who are stealing them and everything else not nailed down.

    Changes are needed to be sure. But they must comport to restore and expand the rights of natural persons as the Drafter’s intended. This is supposed to be a country of laws, not men, and most certainly no legal fictions used as blinds for criminal enterprises.

    And the first time I hear a suggestion of religious tests as a suitable topic for Amendment, I’m going to cook and eat the first theocrat to suggest it. The only form of government worse than a fascist state is a theocratic state.

    I suggest that if you couldn’t hear what I’ve been saying all along it’s because of that steady diet of bullshit you’ve been eating at FOX. Seriously, the biogted comments you may have been able to live down by enough contrition eventually, but the Birther nonsense? That’s some outright stupidity and I won’t call it anything else. It was poor propaganda doomed to backfire. But here is the truth.

    Liberals are not the enemy. Actual traditional conservatives are not the enemy. Fascists are the enemy. In both flavors. That light went on for Byron too. Is someone playing with your switch, bdaman? Is that light dawning in yon window? It’s not Juliet. It’s the true face of the enemy and it’s corporations gone wild.

    I’ve never said that my message was easy. I merely said it was true and contained the root of the better idea. There are many paths to the truth. How one gets there is less important than getting there.

    If you are seeing change here though, I give you the same advice I give Congress for assessing the blame. Look in the mirror. It’s not me that has changed. My message has been consistent. People before profit. Love over gold. Liberty and justice for all.

    If anything, it is your perception of the nature of the problem that is changing. Now you just need to quit being the tool of those who are stealing from you.

    Ok. I’m done for now. Must have more coffee. And I sense that I will be creating biscuits to smite, er, eat.

  6. Maybe I had blinders on in reference to my perceptions of you.

    I was not willing to give Obama a chance. Not then, not now, not ever.

    “Everything I said above, I’ve said before in different ways.”

    and there lies the problem, I may have not understood the message with all the filters. What just came out recently seems very clear and clean. Maybe it was all the Bdatroll bdalier ect. ect. that prevented me from hearing what you were actually saying.

    “He had the right background to fix the problem. Turns out he used those skills to finish the killing of the Constitution instead. What a Dick.”

    What backround? Tell me what you know of his backround other than the snippets the media gave. The focus should not of been on his, it should of been on his families ie. Giethner’s father/Obama’s mother. I mention that because of Timmy Turners little problem that just popped up.

    “Time to clean house and/or kick back and watch the dream that was America burn.”

    What do you think of the idea behind these anonymous proposals circulating on the Internet to start the house cleaning. They are called the Congressional Reform Act of 2010. They probably would required amendments to the Constitution, perhaps even a Constitutional convention. These are just a few.

    1. Term Limits: 12 years only, one of the possible options below.

    A. Two Six-year Senate terms
    B. Six Two-year House terms
    C. One Six-year Senate term and three Two-Year House terms
    D. Three Four-year terms for House and Senate

    2. No Tenure / No Pension:

    A congressman collects a salary while in office and receives no pay when out of office.

    3. Congress members can purchase their own retirement plans just as all Americans do.

    4. Congressional pay will rise by the lower of the consumer price index or 3%.

    5. Congress loses their current health care system and participates in the same health care system as the American people.

    As to your other opinions it would be a waste of time to elaborate but I think I hear an Echo.

  7. AY,

    Why thank you, sir. Quite a complement and enough to make a green man blush.


    You assume I am any different politically now than I was when I started when I am not in any substantial way. How have I changed over the last year? I am not changed other than I was willing to give Obama a chance to fix the Constitutional crisis – which I will stipulate he’s not only not repaired but exacerbated.

    I have never been a partisan. I’m an idea man. Best idea should win. Period. No matter the source. If it creates the most good for the most people it’s a good idea. If it screws every one but a select few, it’s a crime – plain and simple. Both parties have become the party of bad ideas, sponsored by Exxon and Humana and Pfizer and AIG. The GOP just barely reached the race to the bottom ahead of their brothers in graft across the aisle. ANd they reached the bottom by declaring a war on a third country that had not attacked us and they did so for a blatant and blind profit motive that the Bush and Cheney families have a vested interest in. (Note to Byron: This is what “rational self interest” breeds, Byron. Not any kind of social enlightenment, but abuses based on the frailties and faults of human ego.)

    My side is and always shall be the Constitution and the Declaration.

    Everything I said above, I’ve said before in different ways.

    GOP’s Big Oil and theocrats are the assholes who wrecked the American Dream.

    DNC’s Timmy and the Raiders just set it on fire.

    See, you’re a paid troll and therefor a partisan operative. You cannot comprehend that “get the other side!” has never been my stance. My stance with Obama is what my stance would have been with anyone (including Kucinich): FIX THE PROBLEM OF CHENEY OR THERE WILL BE EVENTUAL CONSEQUENCES DOMESTICALLY AS WELL AS GLOBALLY. Instead, Obama has jumped right in the boat with Cheney. Torture? No problem! Graft? Suckle up, buttercup! Suspending habeas corpus and violating the Separation of Powers doctrine? Sounds like a good idea to Barry too. He, like Bush, can take any “law” derived from a signing statement and stick it up their unconstitutional asses. I won’t obey any of them if I so choose. They are not valid law. End of line. No matter what the now rigged SCOTUS proclaims. They are just as guilty and bought of as any elected pol. Scalia is Cheney’s hunting buddy. That alone should tell you that SCOTUS has been compromised too.

    But as a propagandist, you are still a failure. You didn’t get me to turn on anyone. You haven’t changed my mind about the fundamental nature of fascism as being the cancer eating America. My enemy today is the same enemy as the first day I posted. The messages above are no different than what I’ve been saying all along.

    TRAIN!!!! The only difference is that instead of stopping the train, like they should have, the DNC opted to jump on tracks too.

    Sit back and enjoy the show as both parties are too stupid (and bought off) to get off the tracks.

    One party shot us in the face for their Saudi masters, the other party sold what was left to the bankers and insurance and drug companies. The GOP and DNC? Pardon my language on a Sunday morning, but fuck ’em both. They deserve to get a train in the face at this point. My only mistake was hoping that Obama was any less of a whore than the rest of them on the Hill. He had the right background to fix the problem. Turns out he used those skills to finish the killing of the Constitution instead. What a Dick.

    My first choice, the guy who had been right all along – Kucinich, was marginalized out by the two party tango. My best choice was never Obama. He was always a second choice. But like I said before, two choices are not a choice when there is no difference. Criminal A or Criminal B. I choose Option C. As in:

    Time to clean house and/or kick back and watch the dream that was America burn.

    Probably both because at this point with the pending Citizens United case, the only end solution will be both actions. A fiction is a lie. Serving a fiction? It should be self-evident where that path leads when the topic that good governance must be rooted in reality is a common topic here.

    Thanks to all the fascists on the Hill. No matter whose graft trough they have their snouts in. No matter their party affiliation. Other than Rep. Mr. Kucinich? If you held office last year or if you are currently in office? It is now the duty of any and all citizens loyal to the Constitution to remove you from office and replace you with someone from NEITHER party. It is also their duty to work to tear down both parties.

    The chances of peacefully retaking the government from fascists are being driven to zero by the fascists themselves because they are blind in their greed. They actually want civil violence (got to sell those security contracts!), thinking it will be the perfect excuse for martial law.

    Martial law is coming. Probably on a manufactured rationale, but if actual terrorists provide the chance, they’ll use that too.

    Martial law is the beginning of the end . . . for those “in power”.

    The problem is that you cannot occupy a country of any size once the populace wants you out, whether you invade with underwear bombs, a traditional army, Xe (or mercenaries in general) or attack by subverting our electoral and legislative processes. Occupiers fail absent winning the hearts and minds of the people. History tells me this just like it tells me I’ve seen the pattern in Washington before in all the aforementioned pre-revolutionary or pre-collapse countries. People are getting angry AT ALL OF THEM IN DC and from all sides. Where once the ire was reserved for the war mongers, the whores are getting their just deserts now too. They’d all flee to Dubai if the knew what was coming. Why do you think so many from both parties are now “stepping down”, “deciding not to run again” or changing parties? The rats can smell the boat is on fire. Some are looking to get off before the boat sinks.

    The pending blood bath once society reaches that tipping point, be it in a year or ten years? That blood is on Cheney’s hands and Obama is an accomplice now in both action and word.

    We the People.

    We always win in the end. At what cost is the question. Again, see France and Russia for examples of what is to come. Also Nazi Germany. Because it’s going to get a lot darker before the dawn. But the train is away from the station and night has fallen. Next comes the nightmares.

  8. P.S. if this talk of yours becomes infectious the games I was speaking of, will come to an end. As proof of my inspiration, this is for you.

  9. Buddah there’s no need for me to remind you that I’m a bit slow. Chances are I will have to re-read what you wrote a couple more times to let it sink in, maybe not though, because after the first reading it appears that you are spot on. Nice work.

    My two week notice might come sooner than I thought.

  10. Buddha,

    Shall you be reminded this is not the first time that you have been referred to a delusional. It was spelled different this time none the less the meaning is the same. lol

    You shall be subjected to the wrath of Aga Khan, not only helped the British in suppressing the Muslim’s but get about 750 million for this work in Afghanistan. Somebody must suffer. This is most recent.

    Then don’t forget that bad assed horse rider Genghis Khan, Not someone to forget to mention. Then there was that whole minor Greek period that few people recall. Like the Spartans, just a few to mention. Then there was this dude named Alex. Some were real some were conjured from the heavenly bodies.

    But none as real as you.

  11. Winski,

    I’ll use smaller words, but more complex ideas. I know, it’s a trade off. That whole dualism thing. I’ll also use more than one word.

    I’m assuming that the trollery was directed my way and this is merited. Because otherwise you’d be calling Thomas Jefferson delusional. And that would take some pretty big intellectual balls for even the baddest of trolls. Jefferson was a thinker’s thinker. Kinda like Kant. Consider the facts of his life paint a man far from delusional but very serious about the nature of freedom and liberty. Smarter than anyone in this room for a fact. So your single digit, er, word summary must have been aimed at ‘lil ol’ green me. Although I’d pay a dollar to watch Jefferson’s ghost make a fool of anyone posting here as long as I can stand in line to be first dispatched. Hell, I’d pay $10 for that. But enough about me. Let’s talk fascist despots.

    Yeah, the whole idea that screwing with people will eventually piss them off is clearly delusional. Ask Marie Antoinette about that one. The Romanov family had a spat with the peasants too. So it’s clearly delusional or . . . or that thing, what’s that called again, oh yeah, human nature. Which one learns from both psychology as a science and from simply watching people. Because at it’s basic level that is what psychology simply is: watching people in a systematic manner.

    A despot is despot by any name. King. Pharaoh. Kahuhna. El Guapo. A studio executive. Even Mr. President. If they are criminals and/or take orders from criminals over the rights and duties owned the citizens, they are a despot. Call them the Oh Holy High Horse Nipple if you like. Tyranny is a behavior, not a function of title.

    Corporations are not real people. They are a legal fiction sociopaths and psychopaths use to shield themselves from responsibility for their crimes. Our Constitution does not consider them real people. Yet the fascist in power at SCOTUS, the same people who picked a President for us despite having a popular vote count that was clear, are about to elevate the rights of a fiction to that of a natural living human citizen. Citizens United v. FEC.

    The governors of any system only rule with the consent of the governed – whether that consent is fraudulently obtained or not. That’s human nature and simple counting.

    Tipping points apply to all complex systems. This includes societies. That’s that other delusional thing that informs my observation beside psychology, history and law. You know. Math.

    That’s not delusion. That’s observation and logic.

    Although I think you expounded quite clearly about what I had said was delusional. Oh, no. That’s right. Your idea of a counter argument is the equivalent of a high school girl saying, “Whatever!”.

    Which makes me wonder if that was directed at me after all. “D E L U S I O N A L !!!!” It could have been a self-assessment of your chance of proving a valid point with a single childish dismissive declarative with absolutely no supporting evidence or – indeed! – a framework upon which to hang it. Personally I’d just call that funny. Some might consider it delusional. Self-diagnosis is a bad idea though. We’ve seen the tragedy of that gone awry here before. I suggest consulting professional help. I’m not that kind of doctor.

  12. GOP PNAC Oil Nazis (now with miracle ingredient Fraudulent Theocrat!)


    DNC We’re Simply Whores For Thugs And Spineless Whores At That Party.

    All of the criminal sell outs in their ranks need to have numbered days.

    Numbers on the shoulder of their orange jumpsuits.

    I mean as long as we are talking numbers . . .

    All of the Bush & Cheney Big Oil Cabal and ‘lil Timmy and Raiders, including that scumbag Paulson and Ben Bernake too. His finger was in that Wall Street pie too sure as sugar is sweet. I don’t care what party you are. I’m not a politician. I just hate criminals who abuse my country.

    I want the criminals in both parties out and the two party system smashed beyond recognition.

    We need to have more and better options at the ballot box. I want to know why I have more choices at Burger King than on election day? I want to know why the guy or gal, ANY guy or gal, can’t go to the mic and if they have the best idea? Get the job of governance if the citizens think they deserve it. With mandated air time for any candidate on a ballot even they run Independent or from the Party To Be Determined Party.

    I want to know where in the Constitution it says our choices are limited to two parties and both of them have to suck? I’ve read that jewel from top to bottom hundreds of times and not seen the words Republican or Democrats enshrined as the sole protected parties we have to choose from. Not once. The primary bilateral structure defined in the Constitution is a bi-cameral legislature. But we can have as many political parties as we want to field. The Constitution is silent on that issue and there is precedent. Bull Moose Party anyone?

    I want an open playing field for alternative parties to start. R & D is the choice between fascist and fascist lite.

    That’s not going to happen now.

    Not after Scalia seals the deal and sells the FEC to the corporations. Enjoy your pretend elections! They’ve already done their test run. Time for Phase II.

    The fascist criminals from both sides have reduced all life on Earth to dollar signs, costing countless lives for their personal gods of greed.

    The least society owes those bad actors in government and their corporate masters in return is too reduce them to an inventory item on the government run prison’s books, strip them of all their assets and then attempt to undo the damage the fascist clowns have done to our country and the global economy using their own ill-gotten gains to build a green hydrogen or solar based economy. A society with mass transportation that is cheap, practical and safe. We’ll make sure every one can see a doctor can get care and not get robbed by the pharma companies.

    And we’ll make sure lobbyists are treated with all the reverence once reserved only for slave traders.

    I’m a “Liberty and Justice for All” kinda guy.

    And that justice thing is really important.

    I also know pendulums swing.

    That at the bottom of the well, what goes up must come down.

    I’m patient. I’ve got popcorn. But justice will be had either way. At what cost in blood and folly remains to be seen.

    Words retain their power. Including these words upon which our nation was built. More than just a legal document. It’s the fire that is the true American Dream, The Original Dream before it was raped by Madison Avenue.

    The Constitution would not have been possible without it!

    Ladies and gentleman, please join me in giving a great big hand for The Declaration of Independence!

    If the Constitution is our nation’s bones, The Declaration is most surely not just the dream in our hearts and minds but the fire as well!

    “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security.”

    We the People tore down a king when he was called a king once before. A despot by any other name is still a despot. It will happen again. At some point the “I’m giving crap/I’m taking crap” mechanism reverses. Nature is a self regulating system absent our intervention, but fortunately we can’t screw with time yet. History repeats you see, but once we observe it, it becomes fixed in the past. It is from that shared past that the patterns come from.

    Rome. France. Russia. Germany.

    You can run from the repeating patterns, but you cannot hide.

    Justice leads to social harmony.

    Injustice leads to social discord.

    Everything else is simply the dominos falling: the tao of things.

  13. Buddah you are right, my apologies sir and thank you for being a great American.

    Did I mention that the Prez sold us out to GoldmanSacks and Bank of America and Citibank and Wells Fargo and . . . you get the picture.

    I think the Timmy Turbo Tax Giethner/AIG e-mail will connect more dots. We will have to wait and see. I dont see him as head of the Treasury much longer.

  14. Did I mention that the Prez sold us out to GoldmanSacks and Bank of America and Citibank and Wells Fargo and . . . you get the picture.

    But probably not.

    Partisanship is also a distraction from the real problem. Corporatism. Fascism is the REAL problem.

    Be it from Bush’s Saudi masters or Obama’s Wall St. masters.

    We the People is now We the Corporate.

    Which is a recipe for a bad ship sinking ending at any given moment no matter which set of myopic dancing monkeys are driving the boat.

    Rightwing Fascists, Leftwing Fascists, the salient feature is taking their orders based on amoral and often evil profit motives. Making money from the blood of your fellow man. I would think that God defined as God is Love though would be very very disappointed and probably a little sad.

    Advanced alien civilizations are going to be real impressed with that kind of behavior too. We’re a cannibalistic race that fouls its own nest. I’m sure we’ll be greeted as liberators.

  15. Let’s do a reality check, shall we?

    Your presumption? That I’m an Obama-bot. He’s as big a criminal as his predecessor at this point. He just takes his marching order from the fascist sect that DIDN’T start a war for profit – but they are more than willing to keep raiding our tax coffers for private corporate benefit. His masters are just the health care protection racket and the “legal” drug companies. The GOP is run by your and Cheney’s shared master, Big Oil and Fundamentalist Theocrats. Barry has broken every campaign promise of any import. So his numbers are down? Serves him f’ing right they are down. Protecting war criminals. Continuing to violate both habeas corpus and the Separation of Powers Doctrine with signing statement abuses, both practices started under Reign of His Imperial Crawford Chimpness, The Original Dancing Monkey, Emperor George II a.k.a. George the Dimwitted Puppet.

    Go ahead and bag on CNN. I never thought I’d live to see the day I’d want Turner back in charge. They used to actually cover news. Now it’s like People meets World News Daily mixed with MTV News and the water-cooler gossip.

    It’s only less offensive than FOX because their main crime is being pablum now rather than right-wing NeoconNazi propaganda . . . which is exactly what FOXNews is and that is not open for debate by the sane. I keep expecting Reichsminister of Propaganda Goebbels to wheel into frame by accident some morning on Fox & Friends like Dr. Strangelove having one of his fits, crushing the feet of Steve “The Shame of Lawrence, KS” Doocey.


  16. You probably watch CNN, lost more viewers in 2009 faster than anyone. Biggest decline after Lou Dobbs left.

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