Bizarre, Criminal law, Politics, Society

God is My Co-Agent: TSA Employee Announces That He Is God at LAX

If you are tired of dealing with TSA employees who act like God Almighty, you may want to stay out of LAX where one agent announced that he is in fact God and his orders divine.

An unnamed TSA agent was arrested this week in Terminal One (the other terminals are for lesser divinities in the “City of Angels”) after he was acting “erratically.” The agent had just gotten off duty when he allegedly announced “I am god, I’m in charge.” That would certainly make it difficult to quibble over whether you really have more than three ounces in this container.

The TSA has also found that agents were using drugs during parties at work. Four workers have been identified.

What is really alarming is that this recession and unemployment crisis has even forced God to get a second job. He naturally gravitated to a position of unchecked authority with an agency with data banks tracking all of humanity. In many ways, the whole Eden story was a case of monitoring that led to expulsion (an early no-fly listing for Edenists).

Passengers are known to react a bit more readily when told “you will be delayed and potentially damned” if they do not use a one-quart bag for any liquids or gels.

For the full story, click here.

60 thoughts on “God is My Co-Agent: TSA Employee Announces That He Is God at LAX”

  1. “Pretend I don’t exist for a moment. I know it’s hard for you but try. Even if I had never posted once here?”

    We should try that. Bdaman and Buddha should stop posting comments to each other (even on the sly). It would be interesting to see where we end up.

    If you purposely mangle the poster’s name, it must be considered a personal attack.

  2. The funny part is you took the word “lingering”, used for comic effect, and conflated it as if I were serious. Methinks thou doth not read well. Or understand sarcasm. Maybe I should have omitted the sarcasm.

    I’ve got your number, badtroll. The only one who doesn’t know it is you. That’s where most of the comedy comes from. It’s called juxtaposition. You thinking you are the organ grinder. Is. Just. So. Funny. For an admitted propagandist, you must be a true masochist to keep coming back to a place that deflates your blather with clockwork regularity. And I’m not talking about me either. Pretend I don’t exist for a moment. I know it’s hard for you but try. Even if I had never posted once here? Almost every regular poster here, and indeed many semi-regulars and lurkers, have cleaned your clock at one time or another. You run back for more like a dog chasing cars. That’s either paid persistence or pathology.

    We know what you are no matter what name you hide behind. That’s the joke on you.

    Keep on dancing, propaganda monkey. And I’ll keep turning the calliope crank. (That’s a pun and a double entendre, sport.)

  5. And thanks for answering one of my lingering questions

    The funny part was that it was still lingering. One really never knows who’s who now will they or whether or not they really worked on an etch o sketch since they were eight or spent alot
    of time with the Japanese people.

    You remind me of a time when I was at a party and several people were telling stories. There was this guy, much as yourself, and it didn’t matter what anybody said, he always had a better explanation or a more elaborate story.

    So I decided the next time he tried to top someone I would throw him a bone. I said you know what, I was drivin on I-95 the other night and I saw this real bright light that kept following me. Before I knew it, I was aboard a space ship on a cold slab and realized I was abducted by aliens. Then in a flash, I was right back on I-95 headin the opposite direction. I said, anything like that ever happen to you? He looked at me and said, NAW, but let me tell you what happen to my brother.

  7. You are just turning me into an expert on everything. Aren’t you, badtroll? You give me far too much credit and flattery? Flattery will get you, ha HA!, nowhere. And thanks for answering one of my lingering questions. I was wondering where you learned your oh so fabulouso skills of strategery you frequently display here. I see you studied with the master, Vizzini. So you got that going for you. Which is nice.

  9. To be clear I was giving you credit for the style of silly joke most 7 year olds would have groaned at, bdaproseltyzer.

    A god would not care or (if it did bother to pay attention) place much value in what humans say or think about it. He certainly could get a better part time job than at the Transportation Stupidity Agency too.

    If God is All, He’s heard it all before being the Alpha and the Omega. Paying attention to humans would be like mumbling. Kind of makes him like that old man who stands on the corner talking to himself if he’s going to listen to people. That’s hardly the image of the great and powerful Sky-Daddy, but more than a bit image of the great and powerful Wizard of Oz. Forgive us for what we do? He’s doing it to Himself so perhaps God needs an intervention to keep him from harming Himself further.

    The universe just needs some tough love. The emphasis being love.

    And what kind of god seek external validation? Especially from its own creation? An insecure god. I made biscuits this morning and I don’t care if they use my name in vain or love me or hate me. I do care that they are tasty but that is my prerogative as their creator (and we are talking about deference to creators). I’m their god. My priorities are not theirs. Boy howdy, are they going to be surprised.

    Speaking of which. Gluttony is a sin according to that ‘lil Black Book. Even gluttony for punishment.

    Your Catholicism is showing, bdaopusdei. You might want to cover that up with some Pope Pius Brand foundation and some Sarah Palin Rouge. Your bosses are showing again. No fundie Protestant would ever go to the Latin Vulgate reference series of Misapplied Theological Documents. They would just use he JKV or perhaps (and this IS NOT A JOKE but a real product I saw yesterday – I almost wet myself laughing) the Holy Bible – Stockcar Edition.

    Complete with checkered flag racing stripe on the cover.

    Vroom vroom, theocrats!

    Now what was that about not knowing what we do?

  10. If your standing on a RR Track or in a Casino. Your worst enemy of the day is the Box Cars….

  11. BTW

    I will give you credit for trying. That was good

    Two days in a row and I’m on a roll. Buddah told me the same thing last night.

    Seven, come on Seven. blowing on the dice and roll, darn it, snake eyes.

  12. I’m good AY, I’ve seen better days. Some say I’m a glutton for punishment, I’m use to it. Not sure if my nose is flat naturally or because it’s been tagged so many times.

  13. I will give you credit for trying. That was good. So how is the conversion going. I see you are still around. You have been kicked fairly hard and keep on coming back for a little more. Are you ready for the full baptism?

  15. Forgive me Ay for I know not what I do. Thanks for translating it. I always wondered what it meant.

  16. ” Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do. ”

    Do you really think the Latin Vulgate Bible Chapter 23 Luke is necessary here?

  17. Any comments on Palin’s recent tweet professor?

    President Obama was right to change his policy and decide to send no more detainees to Yemen where they can be free to rejoin their war on America. Now he must back off his reckless plan to close Guantanamo, begin treating terrorists as wartime enemies not suspects alleged to have committed crimes, and recognize that the real nature of the terrorist threat requires a commander-in-chief, not a constitutional law professor.

    – Sarah Palin

  18. Professor, don’t quit your day job. Making blasphemous statements doesn’t pay the bills.

    “Iesus autem dicebat : Pater dimitte illis, non enim sciunt quid faciunt.”

Comments are closed.