Grounded: Catholic “Angelologist” Announces Angels Have No Wings

UnknownAngels may be de-winged this year after the Catholic Church’s “angelologist” Father Renzo Lavatori announced that they in fact do not have wings. Instead, he says that they are surrounded by shards of light. After all, it is important not to let imaginations get ahead of religious fact. However, what do we do with all of our Christmas decorations and tree-top angels? It is not clear if a class action is being developed for compensation or reparations.

The startling disclosure came at a conference this month in Rome where Father Lavatori announced a “re-discovery” of angels. He explains that the wing thing is so last millennium. He explained that “You do not see angels so much as feel their presence – they are a bit like sunlight that refracts on you through a crystal vase.”

220px-Bernhard_Plockhorst_-_SchutzengelArt historian Professor Valerio Massimo Manfredi noted at the conference that the word “angelos” came more than 3,000 years ago from the Mycenaean civilization in Greece and meant “messenger” in ancient Greek. Monsignor Giovanni Tonucci then explained that artists let their imaginations go wild in the depictions. Father Lavatori then stated “you have to understand that these are not real representations. Angels do not have wings or look like cherubs.” They still visit Earth and do angelic things but saying that they have wings is obviously ridiculous.

The news will come as a bit of a shock to Clarence who worked pretty darn hard on the whole wing attainment program. It is a bit of a bait and switch for Clarence.

Father Lavatori also doubles as a “demonologist” — which gives him something of a monopoly on supernatural beings. I wonder if demons can claim a professional conflict of interest in his work with angels. The conflict was apparent in the lack of equal time for the beings under his supervision. Father Lavatori noted that “Pope Francis talks more about the devil than about angels and I think rightly so. But it’s still early, he will get round to the angels too.”

200px-Guido_Reni_031Well, I might tread lightly before I go ripping off wings. Those cherubs might go a bit more quietly than Michael who is known to go around with a sword and a bit of a temper.

36 thoughts on “Grounded: Catholic “Angelologist” Announces Angels Have No Wings”

  1. Since they are purely a product of human imagination, I hereby declare that angels DO have wings, just as Santa has magic flying reindeer, dragons breath fire, the Lady of the Lake is the steward of Excalibur and Hogwart’s is a real place for Harry Potter. You don’t get to rewrite fiction to suit your own tastes, people! Respect the authors, no matter what degree of anonymity or deadness they may have attained thus far.

  2. Well I might relay a true story that happened to me with regard to this topic.

    I happened along a motorcycle crash where the rider lost control and collided with a guard rail on the opposite side. He was laying face up and still had his helmet on. He was not moving and was unconscious. There were two women from a car that had stopped and nobody else. The motorcyclist’s face was very red. I started checking his vitals and he had a pulse. Just then a man about 55 to 60 years old stepped up next to me saying “you might want to loosen his chin strap.” I did this and a couple seconds later the man began mildly convulsing and breathing better. (The convulsing happens sometimes when the carotid arteries are constricted for a while and then released) In otherwords he could have perished had the strap not been loosened. I didn’t want to move the strap and move his head around and it just didn’t click with me the strap should be loosened.

    Anyway it wasn’t maybe 10 seconds from when the time the other man told me to loosen the strap and I did this and turned around to say something to him. He was nowhere to be seen. He disappeared and there was nowhere he could have gone. The ambulance arrived a little bit later and began attending to the motorcyclist. I then asked the two women witnesses where the other man who was talking to me went and they both told me there was no men around other than me and the motorcyclist. They were standing 20 feet away from me the whole time. The man just vanished.

    I haven’t had something like this happen before. My heart has always told me it was providence. And frankly I believe it was.

    1. Darren Smith wrote: “My heart has always told me it was providence. And frankly I believe it was.”

      Thanks for sharing, Darren. Experiences like this are the essence of true faith.

  3. Human Angels don’t have wings. They peacably live and do good things.

    And they are everywhere. Peace and Merry Christmas to all Turley Blog Angels. 😮

  4. Can we ask the Angelologist if Joseph had any balls? Otherwise, how did Mary stay a virgin? We got a Mary on our marina who is quite contrary, has no wings and throws up twice on Sunday.
    Did Jesus or HeyZeus have any offspring?

  5. bfm:
    “It’s the selection process. The ones who are not heroes usually do not survive to tell the tale.”


    Not sure ’bout that. I suffered a bump to the head; went to the ER; got treated; survived but missed out on the angel visit. As for the deal with Satan — I’m not talking. 😀

  6. ” (funny how everyone is the hero or recipient of divine intervention in their own narrative, isn’t it?)”

    It’s the selection process. The ones who are not heroes usually do not survive to tell the tale.

    I am guessing that the ones who cut a deal with the devil are silenced by some kind of confidentiality agreement.

  7. You’ll do yourself fine bettykath and apparently and definitely you need to keep trying to convince yourself so you will try and try until!

    But hey, keep trying!

  8. She wasn’t injured. The EMT’s insisted that she go to the hospital to be checked but there were no injuries and she left immediately.

    A woman I know was going under for heart surgery and was very nervous about it. She was visited by her brother who told her not to worry that she would be fine. He would stay with her. He had died several years prior.

    My nephew, as a toddler, had open heart surgery. He spoke of baby’s playing at the foot of his bed.

  9. bettykath:

    “She was hit by the truck. She momentarily lost consciousness. When she looked up she saw an angel,…”


    Well that’s one explanation. The other being she suffered a trauma induced syncopal episode with momentary delusion. The first explanation requires faith; the second merely needs time tested medical observation and scientific analysis. Granted the first scenario is sexier and more comforting but the second has the added benefit of logical probability. We can always surmise the natural laws of the universe were suspended for your friend’s benefit (funny how everyone is the hero or recipient of divine intervention in their own narrative, isn’t it?) and she personally experienced a spiritual being capable of flight with no technology or,in the alternative, that she suffered a common human malady caused by too hard a bump on the head.

    Which one do you like better?

  10. A friend of mine was crossing the street. She saw a truck coming but she couldn’t get out of its way and it couldn’t stop. She was hit by the truck. She momentarily lost consciousness. When she looked up she saw an angel, a verrry large male angel dressed in the flowing white robe and with huuuge wings. My friend is not overly religious nor overly imaginative. She was not injured by the truck that had hit her. She later remembered that she had made a promise to God that if he spared a good friend of hers who was hospitalized, that she would return to church. She believes that the angel intervened so she could keep her promise. She is back in church more or less regularly. True story.

    Those I have seen, people close to me who have died, have not had wings. Since it was right after their death, they probably hadn’t yet been given their wings. 🙂

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