Grounded: Catholic “Angelologist” Announces Angels Have No Wings

UnknownAngels may be de-winged this year after the Catholic Church’s “angelologist” Father Renzo Lavatori announced that they in fact do not have wings. Instead, he says that they are surrounded by shards of light. After all, it is important not to let imaginations get ahead of religious fact. However, what do we do with all of our Christmas decorations and tree-top angels? It is not clear if a class action is being developed for compensation or reparations.

The startling disclosure came at a conference this month in Rome where Father Lavatori announced a “re-discovery” of angels. He explains that the wing thing is so last millennium. He explained that “You do not see angels so much as feel their presence – they are a bit like sunlight that refracts on you through a crystal vase.”

220px-Bernhard_Plockhorst_-_SchutzengelArt historian Professor Valerio Massimo Manfredi noted at the conference that the word “angelos” came more than 3,000 years ago from the Mycenaean civilization in Greece and meant “messenger” in ancient Greek. Monsignor Giovanni Tonucci then explained that artists let their imaginations go wild in the depictions. Father Lavatori then stated “you have to understand that these are not real representations. Angels do not have wings or look like cherubs.” They still visit Earth and do angelic things but saying that they have wings is obviously ridiculous.

The news will come as a bit of a shock to Clarence who worked pretty darn hard on the whole wing attainment program. It is a bit of a bait and switch for Clarence.

Father Lavatori also doubles as a “demonologist” — which gives him something of a monopoly on supernatural beings. I wonder if demons can claim a professional conflict of interest in his work with angels. The conflict was apparent in the lack of equal time for the beings under his supervision. Father Lavatori noted that “Pope Francis talks more about the devil than about angels and I think rightly so. But it’s still early, he will get round to the angels too.”

200px-Guido_Reni_031Well, I might tread lightly before I go ripping off wings. Those cherubs might go a bit more quietly than Michael who is known to go around with a sword and a bit of a temper.

36 thoughts on “Grounded: Catholic “Angelologist” Announces Angels Have No Wings”

  1. “Father Renzo Lavatori announced that they in fact do not have wings.”

    ******************

    That Padre Lavatori (that’s “washers” in Italian) is a slow learner. Angels aren’t even from Heaven and they look remarkably similar to you and me. One looks just like my mother.

  2. There was another angel in the cathouse in Amsterdam named MaryXmus. That was here working name. Like this blog, few put their real name up. She wore wings on Christmas Eve. The place was closed on Christmas.

  3. davidm2575,

    Are you really not aware that the angels with six wings are really ancient astronauts? Get with it. Go history channel.

  4. There was a woman in the cathouse in Amsterdam named Angel. She did not have visible wings but she could fly from room to room.

  5. Although the Bible mentions many angels without wings, some angels are said to have six wings, so this analysis seems somewhat incomplete.

  6. A key inventor for the NSA was able to go up on the clouds with Google. He reported back that there were no angels up there. This is the same guy who invented the Dolphin Machine and Dogalogue Machine, two devices which allow those two species to bark and have it translated into human lingo.

  7. ::::wiping coffee from keyboard::::

    Ok, that last one made me burst out in giggles, to the dismay of my keyboard, glad it is waterproof and washable, lol!

  8. Maybe Angels have laser shooting out of their eyeballs…. In the meantime, the Roman Catholic Church has lasers shooting out of its Butt!

  9. How brutal was Eve’s warning? Only death? That’s not so bad. 1 Cor 15:26 The last enemy is being abolished: death. At least it is not *permanent *like “hell” is, eh?

  10. Hmmm… The Good….. Bad…… And now the ugly truth….. Imagine… No heaven… Imagine no hell…..

    WKRP Cinncinatti……. The Falwell chub….

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