By last count, we were roughly 25 votes out of first place in the ABA competition. Twenty-five votes stand between us and ever-lasting glory. Who among us can now claim that we have done enough when we are mocked from across the Internet?
It is clear that there are pockets of untapped votes that are waiting to be harvested. There are cousins once removed and step nieces. They are not really proxies but people yearning to establish this special tie with you. To assist you, I have enclosed a family map:
The ABA competition is also a good time to renew relationships with former boyfriends and girlfriends, so long as the breakup was amicable and would not offer another opportunity to degrade you. Then there are your family doctors, newspaper delivery kids, and baristas. Have you taken every opportunity to solicit votes? It is a small matter during that proctology exam to mention between coughs that there is an interesting competition going on over at the ABA site.
Last week, Buddha is Laughing’s selection of Henry V was selected to inspire the troops. This week I had to go with Vince’s selection of Bluto. Just as we didn’t quit when the “Germans bombed Pearl Harbor,” we cannot afford to quit now — not unless you want your kids growing up speaking Satyricon: