By last count, we were roughly 25 votes out of first place in the ABA competition. Twenty-five votes stand between us and ever-lasting glory. Who among us can now claim that we have done enough when we are mocked from across the Internet?
It is clear that there are pockets of untapped votes that are waiting to be harvested. There are cousins once removed and step nieces. They are not really proxies but people yearning to establish this special tie with you. To assist you, I have enclosed a family map:
The ABA competition is also a good time to renew relationships with former boyfriends and girlfriends, so long as the breakup was amicable and would not offer another opportunity to degrade you. Then there are your family doctors, newspaper delivery kids, and baristas. Have you taken every opportunity to solicit votes? It is a small matter during that proctology exam to mention between coughs that there is an interesting competition going on over at the ABA site.
Last week, Buddha is Laughing’s selection of Henry V was selected to inspire the troops. This week I had to go with Vince’s selection of Bluto. Just as we didn’t quit when the “Germans bombed Pearl Harbor,” we cannot afford to quit now — not unless you want your kids growing up speaking Satyricon:
Vote is 184 to 170. They advance 4 votes to each 1 vote for your blawg.
Any computer whizzes among the Turleyites willing to tinker with the ABA voting mechanism? Here’s an idea for you:
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x7onMxcoyPI&hl=en_US&fs=1&]
The current vote tally is 180 to 169.
Let’s see subtract this from that n’ carry a cipher or is that a naught and…shucks, figure it out for yourself…
Maybe Legal Satyricon has jilted bloggers that will spite vote here?
Mike S.,
I think you deserved that response. Before the prom? That is harsh!!!
Jill:
We are exploring jilted voters now in the Skunk works. After all, we are now with TEN VOTES! That is just ten spike votes or pity votes or spiteful pity votes.
Mike: Indeed, this is a wonderful chance to purge yourself of all guilt in past relationships. I suggest something like this: “Hey, Dotty, It’s me Mike. Hey I am really sorry about dumping you at the high school prom. I have long believed that had a special connection and I hated taking the prom queen. Indeed, I was thinking of you recently while voting for the Turley blog at the ABA competition . . . ” See how easy it is?
You can also use the following Darius Rucker lyrics with a slight addition at the end:
I left out in a cloud of taillights and dust
Swore I wasn’t coming back, said I’d had enough
Saw you in the rear view standing, fading from my life
But I wasn’t turnin’ ’round
No not this time
But don’t think I don’t think about it
Don’t think I don’t have regrets
Don’t think it don’t get to me
Between the work and the hurt and the whiskey
Don’t think I don’t wonder ’bout
Could’ve been, should’ve been all worked out
I know what I felt, and I know what I said
But don’t think I don’t think about it
When we make choices, we gotta live with them
Heard you found a real good man and you married him
I wonder if sometimes I cross your mind
Where would we be today
If I never drove that car away?
Don’t think I don’t think about it
Don’t think I don’t have regrets
Don’t think it don’t get to me
Between the work and the hurt and the whiskey
Don’t think I don’t wonder ’bout
Could’ve been, should’ve been all worked out
Yeah I know what I felt, and I know what I said
But don’t think I don’t think about it
Don’t think I don’t think about it
Don’t think I don’t think about it
Don’t think I don’t have regrets
Don’t think you don’t get to me
Between the work and the hurt and the whiskey
Don’t think I don’t wonder ’bout
Could’ve been, should’ve been all worked out
I know what I felt, and I know what I said
But don’t think I don’t think about it, no no
But think I don’t think about it and don’t forget to vote for the Turley blog, yes yes.
Mike–
Your high school girlfriend ask me send the following video along to you:
Prom Song
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-xdd4kR5fWk&hl=en_US&fs=1&]
FF LEO–
Love the cute animal video.
Mike Spindell,
One thing I learned the very hard way in life and as my momma always told me; “Son, there are some things you will say or do that you just caint take back.”
And since the ‘Fesser likes animal pictures, I will post this neat video showing that all we animals have our “dog days” throughout life…
I like the one with the cat peering into the goldfish bowl.
FFLEO:
Great video and one of my favorite tunes!
FFLEO,
I’ve already dipped into the bulk of my acquaintances and I thought this was an opportunity to express regret to someone I thoughtlessly injured and aid JT. Unforeseen was that after nearly fifty years apologies weren’t good enough and after I broke up with her she found her soul mate. You would have thought she’d be grateful.
But….Mike S. a woman scorned is likely to vote for the opposition, Man! What were you thinking, er, nevermind.
Mike,
Thank you for taking one for the team.
My attachment to this blog is such that I contacted my high school girlfriend, who I broke up with a month before the Senior Prom, apologized and asked her to vote. Her response to me is unfortunately unprintable in this family blog, but I’m still in there trying to get out the vote.
I hope you make it…
This six toed alien would like to tell you it’s at 166-179.
LK,
That was fabulous!
I’m with lottakatz on the subject of genealogical research. Pursued honestly, it will usually prove humbling –if not embarrassing. This is especially true for US citizens, many of whose ancestors were on the lam or on the make when they made landfall.
FFLEO, If we add in a box for ‘Kissn’ cousins’ we’re going to have to add a box to IT for the subset ‘Red-haired stepchildren’. I personally have never wanted to look too closely at a genealogical chart for my family because of what might turn up by implication if not clear delineation. 🙂 Maybe a box appended to the chart labeled ‘Various and Sundry’ or ‘Seldom Owned Up To’ would suffice and allow us to keep our illusions too.
Professor Turley–
I’m assuming that FF LEO can stay in full compliance with the law if he only kisses his cousins and doesn’t marry them.
Elaine,
The gun had blanks in it. Just remember that when the PETA people come after you for helping those naughty Deltas.
In the Turley Blawg Competiton Motivational Speeches & Songs Invitational, I’d give lottakatz’s montage entry a score of 9.999 out of 10. I’d have to add that Bluto’s Inspiration Speech is my sentimental favorite though.
I must go to my room now and not venture out for the rest of the week as I’ve been put on double secret probation by Dean Wormer. Don’t tell anyone.
Prof.,
No apology required. Being mistaken for mespo is a complement in my book.
I am a bit confused about that complex family map/chart ‘Fesser posted. I see 3rd cousins twicest removed but I caint find no kissin’ cousins.
That’s all we have down south and I can tell you, they was much closer than that chart shows and I never ‘nowed them to even be oncest removed…
FFLEO:
While I encourage you to stay in full compliance with state law, feel free to engage any kissing cousins for the greater good of our blog. This would also be a good time to search local adoption records for undisclosed siblings and relatives.